Misery Doesn't Love Company

It's been a little over three months since our study in Ecclesiastes (Momentum) began and as of today, we are not even at the half way mark. I know this isn't very long when your going verse by verse through a pretty weighty book, but there are times when you're reading Solomon's thoughts and you feel like you need to take a break from the downer that is Ecclesiastes. Just this passed Monday someone sent in a text message during our Q & A that said, "This is depressing." At first glance, I guess Ecclesiastes can sound depressing.

"Vanity, vanity", "nothing new under the sun", and "meaningless, meaningless, it's all meaningless" sounds an awful lot like the writings of a manic depressive in need of some serious therapy (aren't we all?). I don't know if Solomon's intent was to depress his readers, but I do believe everyone gets depressed at some time or another. Some depression leads to a quick fix of Disneyland or Cold Stone (or both together!), but other types of depression lead into deeper and darker bouts with depression. I can't say that I've been there, but I can say that there has been moments where hope seems so distant. Although I don't believe God abandons us, I do believe he leads us into places so that He can do His best work. I tend to be pretty optimistic, but there are times when I feel like there isn't any hope. There are times when I fight the temptation to want to give up. Give up on doing what I'm doing, give up on pursuing what I'm pursuing and give up on thinking the remedy I choose will actually fix what's going on inside my heart. We're probably familiar with that old adage, "misery loves company." But does it? I don't think it does. If misery loves anything I think it loves hope. I don't even think miserable people love other miserable people. I think they just love to know they're not alone or that maybe there actually is someone who has it worse than they do. But I don't think either loves misery or its company. If we're at all familiar with the book of Hosea, God tells Hosea to marry a prostitute named Gomer (not sure I could be as obedient as Hosea was). Gomer is someone who is struggling with many things, but is most of all completely blinded, wounded, scarred, calloused, and deceived by her own desire to fulfill her pleasure. Ultimately, I believe she's got this idea of what's going to be best for her and lives her life in pursuit of fulfilling the hole in her heart with things never designed to replace that which was intended. It's not until she's lead out into the desert, faced with the reality of her heart, and starved of what she's craving, does she finally realize those things will never suffice. I believe that time had to be a very dark and lonely place for her. What's so beautiful about her story is that we don't see Hosea or God beat her for her actions or demean her for her sinful ways or pile on her with guilt and shame. What we do see instead is God speaking tenderly to her (2:14). He speak meaning and life into her. He breathes into her a new perspective, real joy, and real hope. It even says she sings a song.

Singing songs can bring up memories. For some of us they remind us of people, some remind of a time, and others remind of a place. Some speak directly to us as if the song was written specifically about us. And sometimes the ownership of a song becomes as if you penned it yourself. Sometimes these songs are new and sometimes they're old. Sometimes nobody's ever heard of it, but other times they're songs for many of us to share. It's why I love singing songs with other people especially when they're songs of how truly good our God is. But I also love to sing songs of hope. Because I believe we can all resonate with a song like that. Whether we've experienced hope in our life or we're longing for it's warm embrace, we love those songs because it breathes new life into us. It gives us meaning and purpose. It gives us hope.............something we all need.

Here's a song of hope that I absolutely love by Caleb Clements:

You Are With Me Still

When all is dark and hope is gone

And silence has become my song

When doubt has closed me in, You are with me still

When strength is overcome by fear

Your presence feels no longer near

When sorrow’s night descends, You are with me still

You are with me still, Your love will endure

You are with me still, Your promise is sure

You are with me still, Your mercy remains

You are with me still, You give strength as I wait

Though favor’s touch seems long ago

My calloused heart and weary soul

Will turn in trust to You, You are with me still

You are with me still

You are with me still

You are with me still

You are with me still

Just Let Go

I had a conversation the other day (yes, it was literally the other day and not last year) with a guy that I've only known for about 8 days. I've never seen him before in my life, yet I felt like I've known him for years. Have you ever felt that way with someone you just met? I can't say it happens all that often, but it happened this past week and was glad it did. It's funny because we got on the conversation of Abraham, who was the subject of my last post, and he revealed some interesting things to me that I had never realized about old Abe.

For example, I wasn't aware that although Abraham was very faithful and was praised for his trust in God's call on his life, he wasn't exactly the picture of faith we think of when we explore his life. No doubt Abraham was faithful to God, but his problem was that he had trust issues. His lack of trust manifested itself the way ours do when God presses upon our hearts to let something go and we say "okay", but cling to that one little thing that we think God won't care we hang onto because it's so little (we're so dumb).

Abraham was called to do four things: (1) Leave his family (father, mother, brother, sister, cousins, nieces and nephews), (2) Leave his people (any non-family and servants), (3) Leave his land (in essence his "hood"), and (4) Go to the land that God will show him (nothing specific, just go and God will show you kind of thing).

Not completely sure how long time surpasses from when God calls Abraham to these four things and when he actually obeys, but the reality is that the only thing he does "fully" is leave his land. In essence, he is only being obedient to one of the four things God has called him to do. I'm not going to go into great detail as to how Abraham was disobedient, but let's just say that he never truly leaves his family since Lot comes with him, he never really left his people since Hagar (Sarah's maidservant) is present (Ishmael, hello?), and Abraham goes to Egypt and gets himself into a big mess when God was specifically calling him to not go there.

So, what's the point in mentioning this? The point is that this very specifically parallels my own life. All too often I cling and hold onto areas and ideas that God has specifically called me to let go and in turn I display a lack of trust in his call on my life. As soon as Abraham finally obeyed, God worked things out in his life because at 100 years old he fathers a child (Isaac) that goes on to become the nation of Israel. But it wasn't through frustration, it wasn't without mistakes, it wasn't without heartache and pain, and it wasn't without a long, long, time of disobedience that Abraham finally obeyed in the fullest sense. Probably because he was unsure. Probably because he had trust issues. Maybe because it was risky. I tend to believe it was all of the above. I also believe that I'm no different. I've made many mistakes. I've stopped when God told me to go. I've went when God told me to be still. I've held onto things when God told me to let them go. I can still feel the remnants of those very things in the cracks of my fingers because I've clinged to them for so long.

I've made poor decisions in my life, but nothing is too far gone for God to change for His good. There's a song that I like to sing and the bridge reads like this:

"You make all things work together for my good."

It's a reference from Romans 8:28. I not only believe that God uses our obedience, but even our disobedience to eventually bring Him glory. It doesn't mean we can avoid pain or the consequence of our disobedience, but that He will work through it.

I can't say that I have anything figured out, but I can say that I simply need to be obedient even when the obedient thing to do doesn't make any sense. My friend says it best, "It's my desire to please Him, that please Him."

Enjoy the Ride

There's a student in my class named Calvin. The professor took notice yesterday and probed as to why his parents chose that name. He responded, "They really like Calvin and Hobbs." Of course, who doesn't like Calvin and Hobbs? I think everyone loves that Calvin, but not everyone expresses that same affection towards John Calvin (the French Reformer). This post has nothing to do with whether one holds to Calvinism or Arminianism, but simply truth beyond affiliations. It's why one can read any author objectively and see truths in both because all of its God's anyway (truth that is).

I do enjoy reading John Calvin because of the rich depth and confidence in which he writes. Which is why I'm not afraid to borrow a phrase he used when speaking of Abraham's (father Abraham...the one who had many sons) obedience and faithful reliance upon God's word. The phrase is verbum nudum. It's Latin for the "naked word of God". It's this understanding of God's word that moves beyond our feelings and beyond our understanding. I think we often get caught up in our feelings that we confuse them for what's reality. I can't go a day without wondering, "How do I feel about this? I'm not feeling up to it. I have a weird feeling." Or, "This doesn't feel right." It's ingrained into our language and there's no shaking it. But I believe that verbum nudum supersedes feeling. Not only that but I think it goes beyond what's visible, tangible and visceral.

I notice with almost every area of my life where my faith is tested, I resemble a pathetic individual groping around in the dark trying to see, hear, smell, touch, and taste anything that would give me assurance or security in my faith. But all Abraham had was verbum nudum. He didn't know any details. He just knew what God had said. That's it!

I remember as a kid driving somewhere (I was a young driver, jk)............anywhere really, and always wanting to know if we arrived at our destination. We could be going to grandma's, to the store, to school, and the unending chant would begin, "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" As a father, I'm already dreading that day. It didn't take long for one of my parental units to make threats on our lives and say things like, "Don't make me pull this car over!" Or, "When we get home you're gonna get it!" Sometimes, I believe just for the fun of it my parents, without warning, would yank the car to the side of the road in a very threatening manner just to instill panic and fear (I'm pretty sure I need counseling for this). I'm sure my mother would disagree with me today, but I'm positive this is how it went down.

Needless to say, children have a completely different perspective than that of their parents when it comes to their destination including the ride there. I could never see what my parents saw because I was a child. I could never enjoy the soothing background music, the artistic scenery, the beauty of my wife, or the rich conversation during the ride because I was simply too childish to even notice.

What a picture for me in my own life! It occurred to me that this may be exactly what God is communicating to me. He's the Father in the car and I'm the childish son who wants to know, "Where are we going? Are we there yet? Tell me, show me, let me see!" All the while God is telling me, "Can't you just be quiet and enjoy the ride? I'm doing good things in your life. Stop worrying and just enjoy the ride. Enjoy Me!" What I'm realizing today is that in reality......He's the destination. And if we're with Him, well...then....we're already there. We just need to enjoy Him. That's exactly what I haven't been doing lately. I've been so focused on some distant place waiting for some future destination to be happy when He's saying to me, "I'm already here....right here in front of you. The thing you seek is Me."

Being exposed to the naked word of God has not only exposed my immaturity, but it's exposed my heart. It reminds me how fleeting my feelings can be and how unfailing God's is. I simply need to enjoy Him. That's my goal. Maybe then I'll finally enjoy the ride.

Lost In Translation

Have you ever heard a phrase spoken among a group of people and you had no clue as to what they were talking about? You know, like certain phrases or words that only the in-group understands. It almost works as if they were speaking in code so that no outsider could infiltrate their system of communication. I've often felt this way around people who speak Spanish. It makes no sense really when you look at me because based on the color of my skin I should be able to handle the dialect. But to much chagrin I cannot (insert sad face). However, that is not the only place I've felt left out. I remember when I first began to place my faith in Christ and attend a church. There I was pelted with phrases and words that meant absolutely nothing to me at the time. Some of those words included: born again, salvation, saved, sinner, new birth, justification, fellowship, testimony, evangelical, assurance, redeemed, redemption, reconciliation, saved, mission, outreach, repentance, witness, backslidden (that one still bothers me), blood of the Lamb, and spiritual warfare to name a few.

Here me out, I'm not advocating Christians should change these words to make them more palpable. On the contrary, I'm advocating two things: Firstly, Christians should take it easy on these overly used terms unless they explain what they mean (imagine someone speaking only to you in a foreign language and not being told the translation); but secondly, those who are new to their faith should also make a concerted effort to gain understanding because many of these words have great and powerful meaning.

Just the other day I was reading a book titled, Scandalous by D. A. Carson. It' a fairly small book but loaded with depth that I had to slow my pace for comprehension sake. In his book, Carson explains the implications regarding the "blood of the lamb" daubed on the doorposts of the Israelites during the plagues in Egypt. If you're not familiar with this time in history, God has sent plagues over the land of Egypt because of Pharaoh's resistance to God's command of releasing His people from enslavement. Some of those plagues afflicted only the Egyptians, but some of them over the whole land. This particular plague (the angel of death) was going to kill the firstborn of every living thing (animal and human). The only way to avoid this affliction was to daub your doorpost with the blood of a sacrificed lamb. Carson inserts a fictitious dialogue between two different, yet obedient followers of God. Both men having children of their own, Carson imagines a conversation between these two where both men are obedient (daubs his doorpost with lambs blood) but one man is confident in God's promise of protection and the other scared witless. Towards the end of this dialogue after the angel of death passes through the land of Egypt the author asks the reader, "Which one of these men loses his son?" The answer, of course, is neither. Why? Carson asserts that, "the reason is based not on the intensity of their faith nor on the joy of their obedience but whether they hid under the blood of the lamb."

I believe many people hear phrases that make absolutely no sense until they are translated or given context. Like I previously stated, I'm not advocating Christians should rid themselves of their language, but that we should never utter foreign phrases without explanation. Until terms like "blood of the lamb" had a context for me, it was nothing more than a foreign language void of any meaning. But when meaning is put into context as plainly as the author has done, it gives it power and purpose. Not only that, but it teaches assurance and the truth of God's promises.

My point in sharing this wasn't to talk about the importance of understanding Christian terminology, but to emphasize that little conversation buried in Carson's book. When I read the part about how one of those men were obedient yet scared witless, it reminded me of someone.............me. It reminded me of times when I'm scared to step out in faith, when I'm not completely confident, when I doubt God's power, when I second guess His will, and when I've convinced myself that the basis of God's grace in my life is dependent on the amount of faith I exhibit. The difference between those two men in the story was not that one had more faith than the other, but the fact that they were obedient........and in that obedience (however it looked), they were both covered.

Three Months and Two Days

It's literally been three months and two days since my last rambling. I noticed that I had drafted five different posts, but none of them surfaced. I didn't publish any of them because I didn't want to scrap some thoughts together just to get it out there. I read them this morning and was glad that none of them made it through. I couldn't make sense of half of them and the other three just seemed forced. So here I am still not sure of whether or not I'll make any sense by the end, but here goes nothing.

No matter how busy, I always try to make time to read. I can't say I'm a "reader" per se, since to be considered a reader (a real one) I think you kind of need to be smart and your personal lexicon must exceed at least three words (I have none) that are not commonly used by the average person. I personally know of such thing that exists within me, but it's in my attempt to make sense of what I read that I believe God teaches me things and uses it to correct me. It's odd since I spent most of my days in school avoiding books. I've even gloated about how much I hated reading and occasionally made fun of those who enjoyed cracking open a 500 page novel just for fun (I thought back then the words 'fun' and 'reading' should never go together). I often wondered if someone like this had a life (rude, I know). Now, I sit here with three books in my bag and a pen to underline and highlight parts I want to remember (what a hypocrite). I wished that reading was something I enjoyed earlier in life. It would have helped me out in those awkward and embarrassing moments when reading aloud in front of peers. Talk about wanting to get away.

I wanted to share something that I read the other day that meant a lot to me. Author, Josh Harris says, "I've come to see that you can limit God in different ways. You can limit him by thinking he can never work in spectacular ways. But you can also limit him by thinking that only the spectacular is meaningful" (Dug Down Deep).

I tend to be an optimist by heart. I like to see potential (for the most part) in people and situations. I know this can also be labeled delusional, but nevertheless I tend to see hope in all things. My difficulty has been expecting God to work only in a spectacular fashion. It's as if only the spectacular is meaningful like the author states. What I've done is limited my view. It's hard to see things when you're so close to them. I always want God to show me spectacular things because then I'll know they're from Him, but I'm realizing that just because there isn't something spectacular happening, it doesn't mean God isn't in it. It doesn't mean God isn't showing me something and it doesn't mean God won't use it to teach me. It reminds me of when the prophet Elijah was so frustrated and wanted to God to show him in a spectacular way that He would still keep His covenant to Israel when things looked so grim. Looking for some kind of sign Elijah prays for God to show him in a spectacular way............but he doesn't. God simply uses a gentle whisper to make Himself known. It's in the non-spectacular way that I believe God does some of His most amazing work. It's having the patience to actively wait on Him that is most troubling for me. Maybe for you as well.

God, open our eyes to the things unseen.......especially the things that aren't spectacular so that we don't miss what you're doing in our midst.

I Am Troubled....But So Are You.

Yesterday I taught at my friend’s church and thought I decided to teach on the issues that we all struggle with and how to struggle well in this life. I believe that the question isn’t whether you struggle, but how you struggle (i.e. well or poorly). I said I decided to teach on this subject, but it seemed to me it was God’s bidding all along. The church was currently in a series on The 12 Steps, which is based on a recovery program for those who are addicted to a substance or simply feel controlled by something outside of themselves. When I left that afternoon to head home I realized that God works in amazing ways often that go unnoticed (especially by me because I’m slow). I’m sure I could have just chosen to teach on something else, but it seemed like God had a plan all along that didn’t include running things by me (He tends to do this quite often). And then I kept thinking about the message I shared and how God is still teaching me even two days later. I kept dwelling on a word and the meaning for a few weeks now, which is weird because I know what it means and have known for quite some time. It’s this word “iniquity”. All it means is a bend towards something. It doesn’t mean sin, but it can. All it really means is a bent towards something that can lead us to sin. It can lead us, but not always. I believe that the most pressing thing in my life has been to discover, address, acknowledge, and confront my iniquities head on because for so long I’ve chosen to ignore them and/or let them dictate my actions.

I had a conversation last night about how important it is to have someone that knows your iniquities just as much and maybe even better than you. My first thought is that it’s really scary to even imagine. But I believe when James penned the verse in 5:16 that we should confess our sins to one another, he wasn’t saying so that people will have something to hang over our heads when we eventually stab them in the back. I believe he said it because he understood being “fully known” by another human being. I think he knew the purpose of community. I believe he knew his iniquity and had done everything he could possibly think to not fall into it and had failed miserably. I think it wasn’t until then did he realize we were never supposed to do life alone. We resist that which will bring healing and instead embrace our isolation. It’s like having a gaping wound in our soul left unattended that we think we can just hide. We all know that a wound left unattended, often leads to infection if not something worse.

Psalm 38:18 says, “I confess my iniquity, I am troubled by my sin.” What an honest confession? Some may think that simply confessing their sins to God will change things and then you won’t struggle anymore. I’m sure this happens, but it hasn’t fully happened to me. I believe David confessed his sins all the time to God and was still troubled by them all the days of his life. But I also know he was straightforward with people and did not hold back sharing his failings. There’s a lot of vulnerability in doing such a thing. I mean, David shared his iniquities in Scripture and if someone opened up my journal for the whole world to see, I’m not sure I’d be too happy (don’t get any ideas). But then again, maybe I would. I had someone tell me Sunday that they were “finally” found out by his friends and family that he was the liar. He knew he was but they had no clue until the house he built on lies came crashing down around him. He said it was the worst and best thing that could have happened to him. He didn’t know what to call this great feeling, but I believe he finally experienced freedom. Not freedom from his iniquities or sins, because those don’t just go away, but definitely freedom from bondage if only for a moment. We think that if nobody knows our issues and struggles then it’s all good, no worries, life is good. But is it? I don’t think so. It’s a pretty good lie, but it’s never without consequences. I think his guilt had weighed so heavily on his shoulders and caused his gut to wrench that he couldn’t hide anymore, but never shared it with someone. So, instead he gets caught. I think more people want this to happen then most would lead you to believe. I believe the reason why is that it’s the easy way out. I mean, it’s not easy. It’s never easy. I think it really was the worst thing for him and some of those friendships may never be mended, but I think it’s more difficult and even scarier to actually admit your iniquities and sins to someone else before you’re found out. I think it takes more courage and humility than I know I have. I also know that people “feel” like they don’t have someone to tell. They feel like they’ve tried and people have run away. I know this because I’ve said these things. The reality is that I never really tried, I never sought out a community of people I could walk with, I never sought out biblical counseling, and I chose to ignore placing myself under strong biblical teaching because it that would have been too difficult. It wasn’t until I realized it that I began to experience true healing. I’m still going through that process. Sometimes it slower than I’d like, but God is faithful and just, He’s merciful and gracious and I’m only beginning to experience the overflow of His grace in the dark areas of my life.

So, how are you struggling? That was the question I asked on Sunday. Not whether or not you struggle, because if you think you don’t then you’ve just entered into another level of lying to yourself. Are you struggling well or are you struggling poorly? Something to think about, huh?

Pet Peeves

Pet Peeves

There are many things in this world that bother me. I know this sounds like a strange sentence to begin with, but hear me out. I am known (by my wife) as a chronic complainer. I complain about way too many things including things that are unnecessary. I don’t know where I learned this, but I am trying very hard to stop. Nevertheless, I’ve compiled a list of things I complain about that I believe are valid and the majority reading this blog would agree. So, for pure fun and enjoyment I decided to post some of my pet peeves. Some I’m more known for, others are probably new to you and now you’re going to be self-conscious around me because some of you may or may not do these things. Either way it’s all in fun and I’m sure I’ll hear your complaints later.

This list is not in rank order.

• Using the word “quote” instead of “quotation” (e.g. “Allow me to read this quote from the L.A. Times.” The proper use is, “Allow me to read this quotation from the L.A Times.”) If you don’t believe me just look it up.

• Using the word “podium” when you mean “lectern”. Strictly speaking, a podium is a raised platform on which you stand to give a speech; the piece of furniture on which you place your notes and behind which you stand is called a lectern. I know we have culturally accepted the former to mean the latter, but now that I know the difference I can’t help but be bothered when someone uses it incorrectly. Sorry.

• Incorrect spelling of “grammer” instead of “grammar” (also, “incert” instead of “insert”…..this one just seems ridiculous, but I’ve seen it way too many times).

• Writing the word “your” when you mean “you’re” (i.e. you are a moron!).

• Throwing an additional “s” for possessive nouns ending with an “s”. (e.g. Silas’s instead of Silas’)

• I’m guilty of this one more often than not, but it bugs me when I do it.

• “Really realize”….I just despise this phrase (e.g. “I really realize that I sound like an idiot when I say such ridiculous things.” Instead, just say, “I realize now that I would sound like an idiot if I were to say such nonsense.”).

• Using any percentage beyond 100% (e.g. “They always give 110%.” It is impossible for anyone do such a thing so stop saying it!)

• Saying things like, “ATM machine” or “PIN number”.

• Relying on someone else to take a picture of you with you camera and it ends up off centered and out of focus.

• Messy sick people. Sick people are bad enough, but messy sick people make me angry……..ok….maybe not angry, but I definitely want to punch you in the face. :)

• People who preface an offensive statement by saying the phrase, “I’m not trying to be mean but…(insert offensive statement).”

• People who leave messages on voicemail like, “call me back.” I would have but now I’m not just for leaving such a ridiculous message.

• Using the made up word “supposebly” instead of “supposedly”. (Really?)

• People who type in CAPS. Why must you YELL?

• Any telemarketer….for reasons that don’t need explanations.

• Amateur cell phone drivers (I know it’s illegal but still!).

• People who think your time is their time too.

• Pedestrians who carelessly walk in the street and think my car won’t injure or cause them bodily harm. Last time I checked large machinery beats human beings every time.

• Websites with horizontal scrolling (so stupid).

• When the cashier gives you the change with the coins on top of the bills and for a moment you look like a fool jamming a large wad of nonsense into your pocket. (This one bothers me a great deal.)

• People who do not know how to use a self-checkout stand.

• Bad breath (I can’t help it if my nose is sensitive).

• People who don’t tip well. (Emphasis on “well”.)

• People who are habitually late. Late every once in a while is fine, but when you’re known for being late it’s a different story.

• People who don’t rinse before putting their dish in the sink. (Lazy!)

• People who always try to bring your conversation back to them, their life, or their kids.

• When the “door close” button in the elevator doesn’t really close the door. What’s the point?

• People who cut in lines where no one is holding their spot. I’m fine if you want to join your friends in line, but blatantly cutting in line with no regard for those behind you is rude.

• People who don’t stop talking. (Seriously….breath!)

• Salespeople who approach you in the parking lot. What’s up with that, stalker? Why must they approach you like they are selling drugs? I don’t want that $4 Kit Kat bar!

I have more but I thought I’d stop at 30 since who has the time to read all of these anyway. If you have some I’d love to hear what bugs you. If you are offended in anyway by this post, please move your cursor towards the top right corner of your screen and click the “X” or for mac users, the red button or "X" on the upper left corner. Hopefully it will solve all of your problems. Have a nice day!

Work In Progress

Mike Erre, teaching pastor of Rock Harbor Church in Costa Mesa, CA, and noted author, wrote a book titled, Why Guys Need God. This book has much to say about the innate struggle that there is something wrong with man (more specifically men), why they chase after things (bigger paychecks, better homes, women) to define who they are as men. I realize not everyone struggles with these issues, but maybe you have at one time or another. I know that I'd be lying if I said that these issues weren't still a constant tug-o-war for me personally.

Before I begin, let me say that it is only recently (unfortunately) that I realized everything pales in comparison to Scripture when looking for true answers, true direction and true healing. I find myself drawn to Scripture more these days than prior, but only because I realized that most of the secondary resources I turned to only offered a shadow of the real thing. Nevertheless, I believe God has given His people the ability to write and share their hearts. It's through those writings we find ourselves and it is in those places we share commonality with others who have been where we are now and maybe where we once were.

Erre quotes psychologist Larry Crab (The Silence of Adam: Becoming Men of Courage in a World of Chaos) who argues men generally relate to others in one of two fundamental patterns. Some guys are ruled by a passion for neediness and others by a passion for toughness. This idea says first that men who are ruled by neediness require something from people and relationships in their lives. Secondly, men ruled by toughness go the opposite extreme and pretend not to need anyone at all. Immediately, the image of these two men look something like a twenty-five year old "emo" kid who is still waiting around for his garage band to make it big (meanwhile writing sad songs that are so artistic nobody understand them) while the other is a mixture William Wallace (Braveheart) meets Maximus Decimus Aurelius (Gladiator). Who doesn't want to be the latter?

Erre argues that both types are controlling and manipulative.......and both need the redemption of Jesus to reorient themselves to others. Things have changed these days since it seems like today men are supposed to be more sensitive, tenderhearted, caring as opposed to the days my dad grew up in that said real men don't need anyone and they definitely don't cry. This guys' need is obvious and has not chosen to mask it. Nevertheless, Erre states that both men are needy.

"The tough guy is needy because he demands something from his relationships Something within them is broken or missing, and they insist that others meet that need. They require those around them to treat them or respond to them in a certain way. These men manipulate others (consciously or not) in order to get the desired response from them. They may appear incredibly masculine, or come across as having it all together, bu their aim is the same regardless of their appearance: They want to get something from another person" (p. 149).

Prior to this I would have never described myself as needy. I know it's hard for people to believe that I'm not the typification of masculinity, but I've never been needy or dependent on any particular person for affirmation (or at least I thought). While reading this book, what began to hit me was that I want approval. For one reason or another, and for as much as I fend it off now, I don't feel as if I ever have enough. Growing up I wanted the approval of my parents, my teachers, my coaches, my friends, and girls. Now, it falls mostly on my wife and maybe some people I deem the need to be considered worthy. If you're like me, you've probably bought the lie that says the desire to rule over others only plays itself out in the form of abuse (emotionally, verbally, physically, sexually) that demands submission. What I've realized is that I too have abused power and control.

Erre says, "When we are weak, broken, and needy, we desire, above all else, to escape and feel differently" (p.152). In essence, when we encounter areas of weakness, we quickly move to areas of strength. This kind of strength is not a place where we're built up, but rather it's the place in which we feel we can control, manipulate, and have power over the situation. These areas are often avenues for sin. It's why men compete. Well, it's probably not the only reason, but through competition we finally get to measure ourselves up against others. This can be a good thing, but it most definitely can be a bad thing. Just last night I was sharing with my wife how I feel like I'm always comparing. I compare my life, my age, my job, my hair loss, my car, you name it....I compared it. It's often the reason why some guys shy away from it all together. The fear of never measuring up can be frustrating and ultimately leave you insecure about the thing in which men are concerned with most around other men...........their manhood. Erre says that, "Somewhere deep within his soul, every man struggles to feel adequate. Manhood is made, not born" (p.152).

In essence, the natural tendency of a man's heart is to run from weakness into some form of strength that always turns out to be a shadow of the real thing. Until I noticed my weakness is not what defines me or that it isn't a mark against my masculinity, did I began to strive less to control my situation or have power over things and people. I'm the first to admit that I haven't arrived. In my mind I've barely even progressed, but I know that my source of strength, as a man, comes only through Christ who has set me free from being enslaved to my sin as well as the need to feel adequate because in Him is my identity found.

If this post seems at all scatter brained, it's because it was. I just knew I had to get what was going on in my head out of me so that just maybe I could make any sense of it. I guess I just needed to see the work in progress. Romans 8:28

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I like food! There, I said it in case anyone thought otherwise. Growing up you would have thought I didn't since I was such a picky eater (don't judge me). Everything I ordered was plain, dry, or sweet. Those were the standards in my younger years. I can't say why I was this way (other than the fact that my mom let me), but I do know to this day I have issues with texture (cursed coconut with your delicious flavor and flaky texture!). If it doesn't have a good consistency, I usually don't like it. However, since my wife has been in my life she's introduced me to many different foods (mostly against my will). I can't say I like everything, but my horizons have definitely been broadened (Jessica: "That's debatable.").

All that to say, most people who celebrate St. Patrick's Day will be enjoying the Irish-American tradition of eating corned beef and cabbage. A meal to which I do not like. I can deal with the cabbage and the potatoes and carrots, but it's that corned beef that I cannot stand. I'm not much of a brisket eater since I do not like fatty (sponge-like) portions of meat, so it could be the reason I have such a distaste for corned beef. I can honestly say that I never had it growing up since my mom never made it and I can't ever recall going to someone's house to eat this nasty meat (to which I most assuredly would have declined).

(Interesting fact: In the late 1800's corned beef was originally used as a substitute for bacon by Irish-American immigrants because of the limited supply and cost of pork.)

(Interesting thought: If this were the case, then why not switch back to pork? I mean, I liked Top Ramen noodles back in the day because they were cheap and everywhere, but I'm not eating them anymore if I don't have to. I'm just saying.)

Now, I like pastrami, which I know is the same meat cooked and prepared differently. If that were the tradition I would definitely eat it then. Or maybe if it were bacon and cabbage, like the Irish eat it, then I'd definitely have my portion. But for some reason corned beef doesn't make my list of most desirable food (it's one below eggplant, and two below chile rellenos). So, last night at our regular "Tuesday Night Dinner @ Nana's", we brought our own dinner..........the oh so deliciously tasting......In-N-Out! I know it must be a sin or something to bring your own dinner to a place that 51 out of 52 weeks serves amazingly prepared food, but we did.

So, I think our new St. Patrick's Day traditional meal will now be In-N-Out. I don't think it's such a bad idea. And if In-N-Out would just supply bacon to their burgers it would be perfect!

Detachment

I think most of us like to be detached of things in which bring about negative associations or simply things that might cause others to think poorly about our character. I read many blogs, but not many blog replies. This was a reply that I read today that I wanted to share.

"If sin is just "doing bad things," then the cure is behavioral modification. But if sin is "being a bad thing" then the *only* cure is the gospel."

I think misguided Christians painstakingly attempt to modify behaviors simply so that the outer appearance is changed, but in essence leaves the inner part (the most important part), completely unchanged. I'm reminded of this as the house that I rent continues to fall apart. It's been raining off and on and I happened to go into the garage (which I never do) and there was a puddle of water gathered in the middle. I walked into my wash room and the roof was leaking there as well. In the past we've found termites, mold, and even a rat! I know it sounds like we live in a slum, but you wouldn't think so by looking at the outward appearance. Painting over and over again only masks the symptoms and true problems my house faces. Oh the similarity to most of our lives (believers and unbelievers).

I think we have completely detached the fact that we sin because we are sinners and not sinners because we sin. If we operate with the notion that sin is something like a bad habit, well then it doesn't take a supernatural healing to be free from it. People who do not know Christ do it all the time. But if sin is an outcome of our rebellious heart, then the real issue has nothing to do with modifying behavior but with submitting to the fact that we are in desperate need of reconciliation. We can't see our desperate need of a Savior if we don't first recognize our fundamental sinfulness that encompasses who we are internally without Christ.

So, we detach it because it seems to work. It seems to work because people are being fooled by it. But the real question is: Who really is the fool?

I Doubt It

Doubt seems to be in all of us, yet we don't like to admit it. The questions of "why" are masked with the "pretend like they don't exist" because we don't want to look foolish or maybe simply because we want to have all the answers. There is this belief that the opposite of faith is doubt. It makes sense.......if doubt were not the opposite of certainty. I submit that faith is not the opposite of doubt, but rather the opposite of sight.

Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." "So, if faith is trusting in what you cannot see, then the opposite of faith is sight - only trusting in what you can see (The Jesus of Suburbia, p. 84)." 2 Corinthians 5:7 says, "We live by faith, not by sight." What's the implication? The implication is that to live by sight requires no faith at all. No trust in God, whom we cannot see, but rather trust in ourselves and our own eyes, which we use to make many of our decisions.

I think what Christianity has done on a large part is say that faith and doubt cannot coexist. You either have one or the other. What I think that's done is caused many people, believers or not, feel like they're wrong for having questions, wrong for doubting, and even unbiblical for not having "enough" faith.

Tim Keller (The Reason for God) says that, "A faith without doubts is like a human body without any antibodies in it. People who blithely go through life too busy or indifferent to ask hard questions about why they believe as they do will find themselves defenseless against either the experience of tragedy or the probing questions of a smart skeptic. A person's faith can collapse almost overnight if she has failed over the years to listen patiently to her own doubts, which should only be discarded after long reflection (p. xvii)."

A man who's child was possessed by an evil spirit comes to Jesus in Mark 9 and pleads with Him to heal his boy. Jesus says anything is possible for those who believe. His response was that he did believe, but his plea with Jesus was to help him with his unbelief.

Charles Spurgeon once said, "While men have no faith, they are unconscious of their unbelief; but, as soon as they get a little faith, then they begin to be conscious of the greatness of their unbelief.”

I believe in all cases, believers should acknowledge and wrestle with doubts. I believe that it should be a regular thing. To understand an infinite Being with a limited and finite brain is utter mystery. I also believe Jesus knew the man's faith in Mark 9 for it was evident by the fact that he even came to Him for help. This man may not have understood Jesus fully, but He did believe (although unexplainable as to why other than what he heard) Jesus had the power and even desired it so that his son might be saved. A statement like "help my unbelief" can only be said by faith. If you didn't have any, why would you ask for the impossible?

All that said, I believe faith and doubt can coexist. I believe it allows for honesty and authenticity. But what I believe it allows for the most is growth. Growth in the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ so that we too may learn to trust Him even when we don't have all the answers and even when we cannot see.

You're Not Nineteen Anymore!

I don't know why that number was any more significant than say twenty or twenty-one, but it's the age my teammate reminded me that I am not while I hobbled away from the field Sunday evening. I tend to pride myself in being careful with my rusty 31-year old body. I do my best to frequent the gym, stretch, and occasionally eat "healthier" than I'd normally care to do (my wife makes me). So, it was to my surprise that after making good contact on the ball with the swing of my bat, I'd be hobbling away five steps out of the batter's box with hopes to even make it to first base.

If you've ever felt a rubber band snap on your fingers, it's probably the best way I could describe what it felt like when I'm hamstring popped. I've pulled muscles before when I was in high school and in college, but never my hamstring and never this severe. I was surprised by the limited range of mobility this injury had caused. I couldn't believe how much it hurt to sit. Immediately my thoughts were, "I tore something!" But later that evening, after icing and some handy-dandy Vicodin, it wasn't that bad. The next morning is usually where you feel most of the pain and believe it or not, it felt better. It is still painful at times, but my range of motion is increasing (not that you care).

Anyway, I mentioned this because I was thinking about how much pain I was in, and immediately I do the whole comparison thing. But not the "topper" comparison thing. It's more the "I have no reason to complain" thing. I've been reading a little bit about the "theology of suffering" and how God has allowed for this in this world and in our lives. Ultimately, to bring glory to His name. I know of pastor who on Thanksgiving day fell over in the middle of his living room and had a seizure right in front of his family (you can read more about it here). Long story short, he had a brain tumor on one of his frontal lobes and needed immediate brain surgery and intense radiation chemotherapy due to its severity and aggressiveness.

Now, in comparison to what this pastor is going through I feel like a very weak, little man. I don't know why I had to pull my muscle, but I know there is no reason for me to complain about it. So it inconveniences me a little. So it causes slight discomfort. But it isn't completely changing my life, it isn't changing my family's life, and it isn't changing the course of my days like brain cancer would. But what is brought to my attention through this pastor's story is not just the brevity of life, but the fact that as Christ followers we're called to suffer. And not just suffer, but suffer well. So many people who endure pain, agony, and torment, do not suffer well because who really wants to do that. We want whatever is easy, comfortable, safe, and pain free. But I believe if we can suffer well, we ultimately bring glory and honor to Christ.....the one who suffered more than we could ever endure.