I was driving today when a song came on that hit me square in the face. This is a big deal since new songs never do this. It usually takes someone like me 10-15 times for a song to make sense to me and even then I'm not sure I comprehend it fully. I don't know if it's my poor comprehension skills, but nevertheless this song stuck.
The song was talking about living among the least of these; the weary and the weak....and it would be a tragedy for me turn away...all my needs have been supplied...when I was dead you gave me life...how could I not give it away so freely? The chorus sang out with a catchy yet convicting ring...I'll follow you into the homes of the broken...follow you into the world...meet the needs of poor and needy, God....I'll follow you into the world.
Being a pastor (of sorts), I can say that the biggest question that perplexes most followers of Jesus is, "what is God's will for me?" It's a good question if you really want to know, but not if you don't care to listen. Not if you're unwilling to step out on the edge and risk. I remember reading a book about how really stoppable people who call themselves followers of Jesus really are (McManus). He contrasted how unstoppable the first followers of Jesus were, not because they were stronger or smarter, but based solely on the fact that they were willing to risk. They were willing to be unsafe. To not have the safety net to catch them if they fell.
To this day I ask God time and time again, "God, what is your will for me?" I've slammed my head against the ground for 10 years trying to figure that out. I read something a few weeks ago that has begun to help me deal with this classic question. It said, "God will guide those whose hearts are open to follow. Be faithful in what God calls you to today and he will lead you tomorrow" (Erre). When I read this I felt frustrated because I feel like I don't even know what God calls me to do today! I must suck if I can't even figure that out. But I read some more and the author proceeded to say, "We know enough of God's will from the Scriptures to be busy enough. Today I am called to be a faithful husband, a loving father, a diligent pastor, a courageous witness, a prayerful worshiper, a law-abiding citizen, and an appreciative son. That is plenty. I have no idea where I will be in five years from now, and I have ceased caring. I am going to be faithful in what God has called me to do today, knowing that tomorrow he will direct me."
To me, it begs the question, "Am I passionately committed to living out those few things?" Because if I am, then I believe I'll be in God's will. It won't always be easy, or feel good, or be without pain. It won't always be fair, or fun, or clear, but I know it will be right. As of today, I'm really considering the pursuit of a doctorate degree, but I have no clue in which area of study I should be considering. I am trying to cease caring where I'll be in five, four, three, two or one year from now. It doesn't mean I won't want to know, because I do, but it does mean I want to be faithful and focused on what I'm doing now and be passionately committed to those things.
I mentioned that song earlier....it's written my Leeland Mooring and it hit me square in the face today because his desire is to follow God where no one else wants to follow Him.....where it's not comfortable, not safe, not secure. He wants to follow God and meet the needs of those around him who have nothing. He's been given much and how can he himself not give so freely? I want that to be me. Although some would say I'm not, I am very selfish at the core. I don't want to be this way because it's not the way Jesus taught and it's not the way He was. It makes Jesus' words, "Whoever loses his life will find it", make even more sense. It's about giving it away and being passionately committed to his teaching. Not just on a Sunday morning, but in my daily living. If I can do this, then I believe I will truly be in God's will.
