How Long?

Psalm 13

I’m pretty sure many of the psalmists in the bible were bi-polar. Not that they were any different than most of us today, but it seems in one instance they’ll be singing how faithful God’s love is and how it endures “forever”, but in the very same breath will scream out, “where are you?” (paraphrase). It sounds funny when it’s put that way, but the truth is that there is a lot about God I don’t understand. So, when a psalmist declares his own personal anguish and struggle out loud for everyone to hear, it resonates with my soul. Not because I’m clinically bi-polar (the lab results are still out on that one), but that I can relate to how he feels.

I love God. I definitely have no question in my mind, in my heart, or in my soul that He is real and that He loves me more than I could ever understand. But what I wrestle with most is comprehension. Maybe that’s a theme with me. I have very poor reading comprehension skills. Always have and probably always will. It doesn’t keep me from reading though. Actually, if anything it keeps me reading more because I want to improve. But when it comes to God there is much I do not understand. I do not understand His ways, His thoughts, His love, or His nature at times. But I do know that He has always been faithful to me. I know that He’s always acted in His time, not mine. And when He has it’s always been perfect. I do know with confidence that I can trust Him.

It’s why I have no doubt many of the psalmist would cry out, “how long” instead of “why?” Sure, the two may be very similar in definition, but the connotation is much different. With a “why” it implies feelings of doubt, distrust, disbelief and even despair almost demanding that God give an explanation for why He does or doesn’t do what He does or doesn’t do (you may need to read that again). But with a “how long” it implies that God is capable of doing something about their present struggle. It implies the confidence that God is not only capable, but in His time will move to bring relief, healing, restoration, comfort, and hope.

I believe the psalmists, although crying out with agony and desperation, knew in their inner being that God could be trusted. I believe they were completely honest with their feelings, yet knew that God was sovereign. I’m trying to be more like them these days. Trying to be as raw as I can with God in my prayers and writing, but confident and hopeful that He can be trusted with my life and all the mess that I’ve made of it. After all, He does know it much better than I ever will and for that I will as the psalmist says, “trust in His unfailing love; rejoice in His salvation”, for truly He has been good to me.

Who's Keeping Track?

“If you, LORD, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand?” – Psalm 130:3

Have you ever wondered if God kept a record of all of our sins? I know it says He doesn’t, but what if He did? Just the thought of it makes me squirm in my seat. To think that God would keep account of everything we’ve ever said, done, thought, and how incriminating those details being known by others would cause me to have an anxiety attack. I remember someone once asking an audience I happened to be sitting in, “What if God had video of your life? What would we see?” Again….my thoughts were horror, dismay, shock, fear, and stress. Of course, it wouldn’t be very different than what we see at the movie theatre or on T.V. shows, but if everyone knew how really corrupt our hearts, how depraved our minds, how fractured our soul, most of us would be so overwhelmingly horrified with guilt, shame, and feelings of judgment. Or maybe you’d make a hit television show on MTV! The title would be, “insert your city name Shore” minus the whole “guilt, shame, fractured soul” part.

But I think it’s exactly what the psalmist is saying in this verse. Who could stand? Who could present themselves as righteous, justified, virtuous, or good? Answer: No one. And in that answer it makes us no different than the person next to us. In that answer it demonstrates God’s overwhelming love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Later, the psalmist even notes, “But with you there is forgiveness” (Psalm 130:4).

Knowing this simple truth of God’s character is so comforting. But if I do nothing with this knowledge then it doesn’t make me very wise. For wisdom is only attained if we apply the knowledge we’ve gained (hey, that rhymes!). If God’s promise to us is forgiveness if we come to Him in faith, then what should burst forth from us is thanksgiving, gratitude, worship, and an overwhelming joy that He has made us new.

But it doesn’t just end there. Forgiveness is the heart of God He most assuredly looks upon us with compassion. He has no judgment for those who come in faith. But what about us? We’re so willing and quick to accept His forgiveness, yet were so hesitant to extend that forgiveness to others. We say things like, “Well, you don’t know how they’ve wronged me.” True, I don’t. But I know how we’ve wronged God, yet He so gracious to us holding no record of all the stuff we say, do, and think. We’re so quick to cast judgment on someone else forgetting that nobody gave that job to us. Who could stand if a record of our wrongs were kept? Answer: No one! Not a single one of us. And for that there is much rejoicing, freedom, and worship of our God’s great love for His people.

What Did I Just Sign Up For?

When I first came to faith in Christ I wasn't sure of all that I had signed up for. I remember the Sunday after praying something that included me asking for forgiveness and inviting Christ into my life where people were approaching me with great joy as if I had just won the lottery congratulating me and hoisting me up on their shoulders (okay...maybe that's a stretch). Again, I wasn't sure what I was doing but I knew I was doing something. Correction: God was doing something. I just thought it was me.

It was then I was introduced to this concept of grace. All I ever heard taught from the pastors was that grace was something we didn't deserve. Okay....what does that mean, really? Growing up in a heavily, entitlement-saturated environment such as ours makes it extremely difficult to grasp this concept. I believed that I deserved EVERYTHING I had including things I didn't have. I believed that I deserved:
- to date the girl that I thought was "the one" (even though she had no clue who I was).
- to be drafted by a Major League baseball team (preferably the Dodgers) because of my mad skillz (the 'z' is for emphasis).
- to get into any college I wanted (truth be told, I didn't really want to go to college).
- to have a job (only if I got injured playing MLB and was forced to find work elsewhere) that would pay me an exorbitant amount of cash for doing close to nothing (did I mention I was dumb?).

These were only a few things I believed to which I was entitled. So, when I heard this concept called grace it took me a while to understand it. And when I mean "a while" I mean it's been 14 years and I'm barely scratching the surface. Why? Well, besides being slow, I'm also stubborn. And in addition to being stubborn I'm also easily influenced by my own fractured tendency to lean towards things that destroy me (can I get an "Amen"?). Needless to say the odds have always been against me. But it took so long to realize this because I needed to fully grasp my own depravity (although I'm not sure if I'll ever comprehend this).

Grace defined means, "the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God; the condition of being in God's favor or one of the elect."

It wasn't until I recognized my own depraved state was I able to truly appreciate what grace meant, but more importantly, what grace does and how I now can live underneath it. Pastor and author Steve Furtick says, "Grace will never lead you to continue doing the very thing it just rescued you from."

I think that's a pretty cool quotation. Why? Because it's biblical. Sure, we can sin and give into our evil desires (which I still do), but the more I realize the fractured state of my soul, the more I realize my need to be rescued. Which in turn helps me realize my need of salvation, of redemption, of mercy, and forgiveness. Truthfully, the more God shines the light on my brokenness, the more grateful I live. There is no more need to hide because I now realize that God showed His unmerited favor while I had no desire to acknowledge Him. And this simple truth now causes my heart to be filled with joy, with gratefulness, with thanksgiving, with worship, with adoration, and with a desire to carry His name well. Not because he's given me some special ability, or mad skillz, or talent, but based on the realization of my dependence on a God who has chosen me and has called me His own. This truth overwhelms everyday.....as it should.

Number 6:22-26
²²The LORD spoke to Moses, saying, ²³"Speak to Aaron and his sons, saying, Thus you shall bless the people of Israel: you shall say to them, ²⁴The LORD bless you and keep you; ²⁵the LORD make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; ²⁶the LORD lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.

What does grace mean to you?