Forcing Our Fixes

     We all have them. Fixes, that is (not sure that's grammatically correct). Things that aren't working the way we would like them to work. Things that seem a little off; maybe broken. Many people try to mask those things in hopes to hide them from others. Some try to numb the pain that is presently causing their insides to twist and knot. But all have them....all of us have fixes.
     When I was a kid I wanted to help my dad fix things. I knew I wouldn't be of any help, but I just wanted to be around him and watch him fix it. I remember hovering over the engine of a car that he was trying to fix wanting to learn what he knew. Unfortunately, I hovered too closely and was in the way more than anything else. But I knew then that my dad liked to fix things too. I also knew that he didn't necessarily want my help either. I think we're all kind of like that in some way where you don't think you need help, so you try to fix things on your own.
     With all the "experience" I have in attempting to fix my problems, I just so happen to be really great at fixing others' too. Aren't we all (insert sarcasm)? I think I'm actually better at fixing others than I am at fixing me. Well....I'd like to think I am. I certainly have a lot to say about the issues and problems of others than I do for my own. I think if we're honest, we all think we are really good at giving advice to others. Some of us think we're professional problem solvers.....just not very good to listening to our own.
     I've had some really good conversations this week. I've learned a lot over the past couple of days about problems and those who try to fix them. What I gathered was that I'm no different when it comes to trying to fix my own problems. I often say to myself, "I don't want anyone's help, I didn't ask for anyone's help and I certainly don't need anyone's help." It isn't until you realize that every one of these statements are lies that you begin to stop trying to force your fixes.
     Often times our lives feel really messed up. Sometimes it seems like complete chaos, other times it just feels out of sync or rhythm. You're certainly not alone in this. I feel it every so often. Especially when I'm shouldering other's fixes and they're holding in their hands what seems like shattered pieces of their life. They turn to me for help. I do my best to try and offer support and ideas, but what I realize every single time is that there is no way for me to put them back together. We try and try, but we know we can't because that's what many of us try to do on our own and it never works. It's pretty overwhelming when you feel helpless.
     I used to be so frustrated and overwhelmed by my fixes. It wasn't until I realized that I was trying to put something back together that I had no ability to do. It wasn't until I realized that I couldn't fix my brokenness, fractured parts, and missing pieces..........but that God could. It wasn't until I slowed down, opened my hands, and surrendered all of those fragments I was trying to piece together when I realize that it isn't my job to do that; it's His. The moment I realized this a lot of things began to leave me. Things like worry, fear, bitterness, attitudes, self-pity had all been things I was clenching to in hopes to forcibly fix myself. It's one thing to go through this yourself, but it's another thing to watch others go through this too.
     I know I don't have all the answers. But I certainly believe God does. I know that I can't fix others' problems, but I know God can.....because He did it for me. As a matter of fact, He's still doing it. If I don't slow down for a minute, let go of those broken pieces I want to fix so badly, and surrender those over to Him, I'll keep trying to fix something I can never fix. Our souls recognize lack and want it gone so badly. But it's only through the power of the gospel where we can truly find redemption; it's that true deliverance we need.

What Lies Beneath

“But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.” – Jeremiah 17:8

     As a child growing up we had a tree in our front yard that we would try to climb when our tennis ball or whiffle ball would get wedged in one of its branches. It was pretty annoying because the branches were so mangled together it made it difficult to squeeze through and tear the ball away from its clutches (yes, they have clutches). Often times my brother and I had to wait days for the wind to knock our ball out, which is probably why we made up a lot of games to occupy the time as we waited for gravity to take its course.

     I had never taken notice or appreciation for trees in my youth. They were always just an obstacle or nuisance preventing me from enjoying my game. There were rare occasions when the shade was appreciated, but never the tree. As a matter of fact, I can’t say I truly appreciate them even now. I see the value now more than I had when I was younger, but I’m not sure I wake up thanking God for creating them (whatever, don’t judge me).

     I can’t say I ever wake up thinking about trees or plant life at all for that matter. However, when I read a passage like the one above and I think of trees and how the bible references them, my thoughts immediately take me back to the beginning in Genesis 2 where there are two trees with great significance and the one in Revelation 22. Then I think of Psalm 1 where the psalmist writes about the trees planted by streams of water. Then there are the palms and cedars mentioned in Psalm 92 including all the references and analogies about how we are to be like trees bearing fruit in our lives.

     With all these wonderful images the Bible uses I often overlook how truly amazing trees really are. Take for example the olive tree. This tree is notable for several reason, namely its branch making a cameo after the flood as well as the mount where Jesus prayed.

     What’s fascinating about this tree when you see it is how incredibly twisted it can grow, especially the ones arborists say are thousands of years old. They’re stumpy, weather-beaten, and have overcome several lifetimes of resistance (sounds like someone I know). But what is so interesting about this incredible tree is that even if its above-ground structure has completely died and has no visible signs of growth, its root systems are so resilient and strong, a living tree can actually restore back to life the parts that seemed beyond recovery (can you see where I’m going?).

      Isn’t that the picture of what the gospel is all about? Redemption, restoration, new life, a much bigger story than we could ever imagine. One where we are not trying to simply pick up the pieces that have fallen apart or completely spliced off, but that deep down underneath the surface, where no one else can see, without the help of our own, where what seemed dead and gone, God brings back to life and restores what could never be restored on its own. He takes all of that was dead, broken, and dried up and beyond repair and saturates that lifeless space over and over again.

     This, my friends, is a picture of what He’s done in my life. It’s what He’s done in my relationship with my wife. It’s what He continually does in our family’s life and it’s what He can do with yours.

The One I Love

     I love my wife! I think she is smart, clever, detailed-oriented, funny, sarcastic (good and bad), and stunningly beautiful. I could go on and on about her qualities and characteristics and about how much I enjoy many things about her. We’ve been married for 14 years and together for almost 18 years (That’s half my life!). I can honestly say that I love her way more than I did the day we got married. It may sound cliché but it’s true. I think she’s smarter than she used to be, she’s way more craftier (and I don’t mean she’s a DIY kind of girl), she’s smarter than I ever knew she was, she’s way more sarcastic than I remember, and her beauty to me is beyond compare.

     Now before you click away after reading all that gush, I want to add that everything you’ve read so far is 100 percent true. But it’s only part of the truth. Let me explain. When my wife and I were dating she could literally do no wrong. She could be mad at me, she could be upset that I did something stupid (which happened a lot), she could splash through an oil spot in a parking lot and then proceed to step inside my vehicle, rub her oily shoes all over my carpet and I couldn’t care less. All I cared about was that she was by my side. All that mattered to me was that she held my hand, told me she loved me, and supported me in what I did (sometimes only of those things were required). Oh the simple life! But the truth is that as the years go on you start to notice things that you could’ve sworn weren’t there before. You wonder, “Did she always chew so loudly?” “Has she always taken so long to get ready?” “Does she really want me to explain everything that happened in my day even though I don’t feel like it?”

     A couple I know that is currently dating told me two weeks ago that they never really fight or argue. I laughed loudly on the inside. I thought to myself, “It’s because you don’t really know her/him yet.” Instead I just smiled and said, “Good for you! But don’t worry if you do because disagreements are a part of being human.” It was my way of saying, “Don’t worry because it’s going to hit you like a wrecking ball when you least expect it! So, buckle up!” I couldn’t use those words because I didn’t want to scare them. Plus, at this stage of their relationship they wouldn’t receive a comment like that anyway.

     The truth about being human is that disagreement, arguing, heated discussions, and conflicts are a part of every long-term relationship. Avoiding them only prolongs the inevitable. They don’t all look the same and they are not always healthy, but they happen. They happen to good, healthy relationships and a lot more often than you think.

     My wife and I just returned from a vacation that was restful, relaxing, and fun. But mixed in between all that rest and fun were moments of discord. It was minimal, but they were certainly present. Our moments of conflict look much different than they did 10 years ago, but they are there and we acknowledge every one of them. We address them, we hash them out (sometimes longer than we like), but most importantly we learn and grow from them. I can’t say that growth and maturity are always the outcome, but as we continue to work on our relationship and marriage it’s certainly our desire.

     I know my wife and I still have much to learn. Her parents have been married for 37 years and mine for 41. We are surrounded by some fantastic marriages and wonderful examples. Our marriage is barely entering adolescence. We have lots of changes to go through and a lifetime of things to discover. But what I’ve learned so far is that I wouldn’t want to do all of this with anyone else. My wife is a different person today than she was 18 years ago. I’d like to think I am too. When I first fell in love with her I really thought I loved her. But what I’ve learned over the years is that I was in love with my idea of her (a very one-dimensional thing; and all the good things at that!). It wasn’t until I began to discover the parts she had kept at a deeper level, the part that only God knew (that fully known part), have I been able to fall in love with all of her. That sort of discovery takes time, dedication, and commitment to fully know someone as well as to be fully known and loved by them. What’s fascinating by it all is that it’s a lot like being loved by God.