Thursday, November 7, 2013

The Lightsaber Blues

I took my son to the store a while back because he wanted to go grocery shopping with me. I think he
just wanted to get out of the house. We don’t have much of a yard, so anything to get out of the house is a good day for my son. My son is a funny little trick God has played on me. You read that last statement correctly. As I watch my son grow up and observe his behavior he reminds me of me in so many ways. And every time I’m frustrated with him or have to discipline him, it reminds me of how difficult I must be to those around me (especially my wife).

When we were shopping for groceries, Silas kept asking me to go visit the toy aisle. After about 20 minutes of asking and me threatening him to throw out every toy that he has, I finally caved and followed him to this tiny little section of the store (I’m all bark and no bite). He proceeded to pick up a light saber and wield it around like a miniature Jedi. Part of me thought, I’m so glad he loves Star Wars as much as me. The other (meaner/parent) part thought, we’re not buying that because he has three other light sabers just like it at home.

I told him we needed to finish shopping and he could carry the light saber around while we finish, but he was not taking it home. He proceeded to tell me that we could just buy it. Oh, if things were this simple. I tried pulling this method out when passing by a home in an area that was way out of our price range. I leaned over to my wife and said, “We could just buy it.” She chose to ignore my comment.

As we were headed for the checkout line I told my son to put the light saber away because we were leaving. Completely disappointed he proceeded to give me that look. You know the one that you don’t have to teach them.  It’s that innate quality of making parents’ hearts break. Thankfully, I’m a little cold-hearted and more scared of my wife yelling at me because we went over budget for groceries that I didn’t give in to his tactics. So, I made him put it back and we walked out to the car after checking out.

Sulking in his sadness I buckled his seatbelt and climbed into the car and drove off. There were a few minutes of silence as we traveled down the road. I thought for a moment my son wasn’t going to talk to me the whole ride home. But then I heard it. It was the perfect sound to break the silence. My son pulled out a harmonica (from who knows where) and began to play his sad song. I did everything I could to hold in the laughter. I was so surprised by his outlet for sadness. I don’t play the harmonica and I can’t say we even listen to very many folk bands that feature this little French harp, but there he was playing the blues.

Some of the joys of parenting have been brought about by moments like this. There’s definitely no joy in my son’s sadness, but it’s been in the way he teaches me. Specifically, it’s been in the way he’s allowed me to see glimpses into my own life. I’ve learned more about my life, humanity, God, and everything in between because of this little boy. I realized that day how much God loves me even in my sulking. Even when I think I know what’s best for me and deserve to get what I’m asking for, God gently reminds me that His plans are better than mine and the what I need is much different than what I want. But I also learned something else that day. I learned that it’s okay to be sad when I don’t get what I want. Listening to that harmonica didn’t make me feel bad and give in to my son, but it did stir my affection for him even more. I think God wants to hear us cry out. I think He wants to hear us sulk a little, be sad for a time, and play the blues because we’re feeling down. Because it’s in those moments where the heart is tender. 


I know my son’s too young to understand the impact that he’s had on my life. But the truth is that I’ve learned so much from him, by him, and through him. I thank God every day for my kids. I’m thankful for the joy I have in raising them, teaching them, and leading them. But the real joy in all this has been what I’ve learned from them. [Raises coffee cup] Here’s to learning from them for the rest of my life!

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