Forcing Our Fixes

     We all have them. Fixes, that is (not sure that's grammatically correct). Things that aren't working the way we would like them to work. Things that seem a little off; maybe broken. Many people try to mask those things in hopes to hide them from others. Some try to numb the pain that is presently causing their insides to twist and knot. But all have them....all of us have fixes.
     When I was a kid I wanted to help my dad fix things. I knew I wouldn't be of any help, but I just wanted to be around him and watch him fix it. I remember hovering over the engine of a car that he was trying to fix wanting to learn what he knew. Unfortunately, I hovered too closely and was in the way more than anything else. But I knew then that my dad liked to fix things too. I also knew that he didn't necessarily want my help either. I think we're all kind of like that in some way where you don't think you need help, so you try to fix things on your own.
     With all the "experience" I have in attempting to fix my problems, I just so happen to be really great at fixing others' too. Aren't we all (insert sarcasm)? I think I'm actually better at fixing others than I am at fixing me. Well....I'd like to think I am. I certainly have a lot to say about the issues and problems of others than I do for my own. I think if we're honest, we all think we are really good at giving advice to others. Some of us think we're professional problem solvers.....just not very good to listening to our own.
     I've had some really good conversations this week. I've learned a lot over the past couple of days about problems and those who try to fix them. What I gathered was that I'm no different when it comes to trying to fix my own problems. I often say to myself, "I don't want anyone's help, I didn't ask for anyone's help and I certainly don't need anyone's help." It isn't until you realize that every one of these statements are lies that you begin to stop trying to force your fixes.
     Often times our lives feel really messed up. Sometimes it seems like complete chaos, other times it just feels out of sync or rhythm. You're certainly not alone in this. I feel it every so often. Especially when I'm shouldering other's fixes and they're holding in their hands what seems like shattered pieces of their life. They turn to me for help. I do my best to try and offer support and ideas, but what I realize every single time is that there is no way for me to put them back together. We try and try, but we know we can't because that's what many of us try to do on our own and it never works. It's pretty overwhelming when you feel helpless.
     I used to be so frustrated and overwhelmed by my fixes. It wasn't until I realized that I was trying to put something back together that I had no ability to do. It wasn't until I realized that I couldn't fix my brokenness, fractured parts, and missing pieces..........but that God could. It wasn't until I slowed down, opened my hands, and surrendered all of those fragments I was trying to piece together when I realize that it isn't my job to do that; it's His. The moment I realized this a lot of things began to leave me. Things like worry, fear, bitterness, attitudes, self-pity had all been things I was clenching to in hopes to forcibly fix myself. It's one thing to go through this yourself, but it's another thing to watch others go through this too.
     I know I don't have all the answers. But I certainly believe God does. I know that I can't fix others' problems, but I know God can.....because He did it for me. As a matter of fact, He's still doing it. If I don't slow down for a minute, let go of those broken pieces I want to fix so badly, and surrender those over to Him, I'll keep trying to fix something I can never fix. Our souls recognize lack and want it gone so badly. But it's only through the power of the gospel where we can truly find redemption; it's that true deliverance we need.