How Long?

Psalm 13

I’m pretty sure many of the psalmists in the bible were bi-polar. Not that they were any different than most of us today, but it seems in one instance they’ll be singing how faithful God’s love is and how it endures “forever”, but in the very same breath will scream out, “where are you?” (paraphrase). It sounds funny when it’s put that way, but the truth is that there is a lot about God I don’t understand. So, when a psalmist declares his own personal anguish and struggle out loud for everyone to hear, it resonates with my soul. Not because I’m clinically bi-polar (the lab results are still out on that one), but that I can relate to how he feels.

I love God. I definitely have no question in my mind, in my heart, or in my soul that He is real and that He loves me more than I could ever understand. But what I wrestle with most is comprehension. Maybe that’s a theme with me. I have very poor reading comprehension skills. Always have and probably always will. It doesn’t keep me from reading though. Actually, if anything it keeps me reading more because I want to improve. But when it comes to God there is much I do not understand. I do not understand His ways, His thoughts, His love, or His nature at times. But I do know that He has always been faithful to me. I know that He’s always acted in His time, not mine. And when He has it’s always been perfect. I do know with confidence that I can trust Him.

It’s why I have no doubt many of the psalmist would cry out, “how long” instead of “why?” Sure, the two may be very similar in definition, but the connotation is much different. With a “why” it implies feelings of doubt, distrust, disbelief and even despair almost demanding that God give an explanation for why He does or doesn’t do what He does or doesn’t do (you may need to read that again). But with a “how long” it implies that God is capable of doing something about their present struggle. It implies the confidence that God is not only capable, but in His time will move to bring relief, healing, restoration, comfort, and hope.

I believe the psalmists, although crying out with agony and desperation, knew in their inner being that God could be trusted. I believe they were completely honest with their feelings, yet knew that God was sovereign. I’m trying to be more like them these days. Trying to be as raw as I can with God in my prayers and writing, but confident and hopeful that He can be trusted with my life and all the mess that I’ve made of it. After all, He does know it much better than I ever will and for that I will as the psalmist says, “trust in His unfailing love; rejoice in His salvation”, for truly He has been good to me.