I'm Not a Nerd

Let me begin by saying that I’m a sorry excuse for a nerd. I don’t claim to have a nerd card or membership to anything nerdy. However, I do enjoy nerd things. I like nerdy video games and nerdy movies. One that has really gotten my attention as of late is the last installment of a book series that has been around since 1997. I’m referring to the Harry Potter series by J. K. Rowling. As of today I haven’t seen or read the ending of this incredible series just yet, but my plan to do so is approaching. Although I haven't read any of the books, I am currently reading the last book so that I might be able to have a better understanding for the how the story will conclude. I admit that it’s odd that I’ve chosen to read the last book when I haven’t read any of the other six books preceding this one, but whatever. I’m enjoying it.

I can’t say that I’ve ever quoted fiction, so this might be a first. In the Chamber of Secrets Dumbledore tells Harry, “It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” I don’t know why this quotation lodged itself in my head, but I felt like I should probably write out my thoughts.

Living in a culture that prides itself on ability, talents, and skill, I find it extremely difficult to not judge who I am and who others are based on anything else. We tend to be attracted to those with the greatest ability, special talents, and unique skills that clearly propel one above another. Take singing for example. We thrust those that have amazingly beautiful voices upon a pedestal, upon a stage, in front of a microphone so that we can hear their giftedness. I think it’s a wonderful gift that should be enjoyed and appreciated by others for sure. But what about those who don’t have that ability? What about those who can’t play an instrument, who can’t play a sport, who don’t have a crafted skill that would cause someone to notice? I mean, do we really value those who have special abilities over those who don’t? The answer, I believe, is yes! We actually pay attention more, give more time, more money, more value to those who stand out in these talented and skillful ways. It’s what we do. It’s difficult not to do this in a culture that is permeated with attributing value and importance to individualism for the sake of pleasure, enjoyment, and satisfaction.

I know God has given me gifts. I believe He’s given us all gifts and talents. I know that He’s allowed me to discover abilities that I never thought I had and I’m truly thankful that He’s done so. But so what? In the movie, Dumbledore mentions this phrase about how our choices show us what we truly are because he was trying to get Harry to understand that as talented, skillful, and as powerful as he is, it’s not those things that make him who he is. It’s how he chooses to use those abilities that reveals to others, and himself, that are the most telling and the most rewarding.

The thing I struggle with when it comes to this area is the war I fight in myself to not be someone else. I have to battle in my mind and I my heart to not compare myself to someone I admire because their talent far exceeds my own. It’s been difficult as of late, but God is continuing to remind me who I am not. It’s been painful, but it’s also been freeing. Expectations I’ve placed on myself have weighed on my shoulders for years. Most of those expectations have been based on my ability, talents, and skills. And what I’ve realized is that none of those things really matter in the end. My talents do not make me who I am. My talents don’t bring any value to my soul. But it is in the choices that I make where my character is revealed. A character that is in the process of being refined in a fire that God continues to burn in me. It’s what has been truly satisfying my soul these days and I hope all the days of my life.