It's Been a While

*It's been a really long time since I've posted anything. I wouldn't say this is a typical post, but thoughts rather that resemble more of a journal entry.

"A person will worship something, have no doubt about that.....That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshiping we are becoming."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I'm often convicted by this quotation because it forces me to take a long hard look at my life in a very objective way. There is no doubt that we all worship for it's why we were made. We could deny this until we're dead, but the truth is we all place something or someone as most important in our life. We spend time, money, attention, and affection filling our days with things we love. But it's in that moment (thanks to Emerson) when I think about what actually dominates my imagination, my thoughts, my life, and my character that leaves me filling ashamed.

I'd like to say that God is my all in all. I'd like to say that God is my everything. I mean, I sing songs where words like these are present, but I'd be lying if I said that He dominates my thoughts, my affections or my life. I'd also like to think I'm other-oriented. I'd like to say my wife and son dominate my imagination, but that isn't the case either. Which leads me to think, "what kind of life am I leading?" If that which dominates my my imagination and thoughts determines my life and character, what's actually dominating me?

Well, the short answer is..........me. When I get up in the morning I usually think about me. I think about my day, I think about what I need to do today, I think about how my back hurts and I need to get that massages I keep complaining about. I think about my stomach and how I need to fill it. I think about my work and how very little I'm getting accomplished as social media and sports news burn my time. I think about the fun I want to have playing video games and wished how I had more time to play more. I think about the gym and how I need to leave work at a certain time to be there by a certain time so that I can be home by a certain time so that I can then leave by a certain time. And what bothers me the most when taking a look at my life is how remarkably true Emerson's words ring true.

What we worship we are becoming............so unbelievably true. So undeniably apparent in my life. Which is why God's word is so overwhelmingly filling and satisfying. It's why God's incomparable grace and love are in a class of their own. It's why an infinite Creator God can fix what's broken inside of me. Knowing I'm really nothing, yet God bids me is so amazing. Being so wretched in my wants and desires, yet He draw me unto Himself by no credit of my own because He loves me. It makes my heart want to worship Him in those moments. Not because I want to become Him, but because in Him I find my true identity.