Yesterday I taught at my friend’s church and thought I decided to teach on the issues that we all struggle with and how to struggle well in this life. I believe that the question isn’t whether you struggle, but how you struggle (i.e. well or poorly). I said I decided to teach on this subject, but it seemed to me it was God’s bidding all along. The church was currently in a series on The 12 Steps, which is based on a recovery program for those who are addicted to a substance or simply feel controlled by something outside of themselves. When I left that afternoon to head home I realized that God works in amazing ways often that go unnoticed (especially by me because I’m slow). I’m sure I could have just chosen to teach on something else, but it seemed like God had a plan all along that didn’t include running things by me (He tends to do this quite often). And then I kept thinking about the message I shared and how God is still teaching me even two days later. I kept dwelling on a word and the meaning for a few weeks now, which is weird because I know what it means and have known for quite some time. It’s this word “iniquity”. All it means is a bend towards something. It doesn’t mean sin, but it can. All it really means is a bent towards something that can lead us to sin. It can lead us, but not always. I believe that the most pressing thing in my life has been to discover, address, acknowledge, and confront my iniquities head on because for so long I’ve chosen to ignore them and/or let them dictate my actions.
I had a conversation last night about how important it is to have someone that knows your iniquities just as much and maybe even better than you. My first thought is that it’s really scary to even imagine. But I believe when James penned the verse in 5:16 that we should confess our sins to one another, he wasn’t saying so that people will have something to hang over our heads when we eventually stab them in the back. I believe he said it because he understood being “fully known” by another human being. I think he knew the purpose of community. I believe he knew his iniquity and had done everything he could possibly think to not fall into it and had failed miserably. I think it wasn’t until then did he realize we were never supposed to do life alone. We resist that which will bring healing and instead embrace our isolation. It’s like having a gaping wound in our soul left unattended that we think we can just hide. We all know that a wound left unattended, often leads to infection if not something worse.
Psalm 38:18 says, “I confess my iniquity, I am troubled by my sin.” What an honest confession? Some may think that simply confessing their sins to God will change things and then you won’t struggle anymore. I’m sure this happens, but it hasn’t fully happened to me. I believe David confessed his sins all the time to God and was still troubled by them all the days of his life. But I also know he was straightforward with people and did not hold back sharing his failings. There’s a lot of vulnerability in doing such a thing. I mean, David shared his iniquities in Scripture and if someone opened up my journal for the whole world to see, I’m not sure I’d be too happy (don’t get any ideas). But then again, maybe I would. I had someone tell me Sunday that they were “finally” found out by his friends and family that he was the liar. He knew he was but they had no clue until the house he built on lies came crashing down around him. He said it was the worst and best thing that could have happened to him. He didn’t know what to call this great feeling, but I believe he finally experienced freedom. Not freedom from his iniquities or sins, because those don’t just go away, but definitely freedom from bondage if only for a moment. We think that if nobody knows our issues and struggles then it’s all good, no worries, life is good. But is it? I don’t think so. It’s a pretty good lie, but it’s never without consequences. I think his guilt had weighed so heavily on his shoulders and caused his gut to wrench that he couldn’t hide anymore, but never shared it with someone. So, instead he gets caught. I think more people want this to happen then most would lead you to believe. I believe the reason why is that it’s the easy way out. I mean, it’s not easy. It’s never easy. I think it really was the worst thing for him and some of those friendships may never be mended, but I think it’s more difficult and even scarier to actually admit your iniquities and sins to someone else before you’re found out. I think it takes more courage and humility than I know I have. I also know that people “feel” like they don’t have someone to tell. They feel like they’ve tried and people have run away. I know this because I’ve said these things. The reality is that I never really tried, I never sought out a community of people I could walk with, I never sought out biblical counseling, and I chose to ignore placing myself under strong biblical teaching because it that would have been too difficult. It wasn’t until I realized it that I began to experience true healing. I’m still going through that process. Sometimes it slower than I’d like, but God is faithful and just, He’s merciful and gracious and I’m only beginning to experience the overflow of His grace in the dark areas of my life.
So, how are you struggling? That was the question I asked on Sunday. Not whether or not you struggle, because if you think you don’t then you’ve just entered into another level of lying to yourself. Are you struggling well or are you struggling poorly? Something to think about, huh?
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