It's a Good Day!

Prefeace: I'm prefacing this because it may seem a bit scattered brained. I wrote it in two sittings and I didn't want to delete the first half.....so......yeah. If it doesn't make sense then oh well.

I remember back in December of 2007, Jess and I had just returned from a trip to Mexico with her family and it must have been the next morning when she woke me and had a this huge smile on her face an uttered the words, "It's a good day!" What a loaded statement! I immediately thought, "Crap! I forgot something I was supposed to remember." But then she said it again, "It's a good day" and she held up what looked like, through my blurred vision, a thermometer. I had to keep blinking for the image to actually register in my head. It was a positive pregnancy test.

We had been trying to get pregnant for what seemed like two years, but she would say a year and a half. We had come to the conclusion, albeit a difficult one, that we may not have kids. We were finally getting to the point where we were both fine with whatever God wanted for us even if that meant not having any children. So, to have this blurry wand waving in my face and being told it was a good day was one of the best surprises ever.

This made me think back to that day and how happy we both were. What I realized though was that we were already happy. It wasn't until we were both satisfied with whatever God willed for our lives did He give us one of the best gifts, my son. I asked one of the girls at Panera how her day was going and she gave me this audible sigh and rolled eyes look. Needless to say she wasn't happy. I didn't get into any lengthy discussion about her job, but I could tell she didn't want to be there anymore. It made me think of how often I let my circumstances dictate the way I feel and the way I live. I was pretty disappointed at first when I thought we'd never have kids, but I realized that sometimes that happens. I'm pretty disappointed when they don't have my hazelnut coffee brewing. Shoot, I'm pretty upset when there is no more Splenda! But it shouldn't be a reason for me not to enjoy the life God has given me. People like to disassociate there spiritual lives with their real lives and I don't understand it. God has given me life abundantly and I'm to enjoy every bit of it because I see it all as a gift from Him. Even my frustration, and disappointments.....they're all from Him. I've realized that sometimes God's will looks nothing like mine until my heart and mind is ready to submit to His. I've realized also that sometimes my life looks nothing like Jesus' because I'm using my eyes for perspective as oppose to His.

I'll never forget that day Jess told me that it was a good day because it was.........but so is every other day because God made it that way.

Compared To What?

I catch myself saying or at least thinking this statement often. If I said it half as much as I thought it I'm sure my face would be in pain due to the affliction it endured at the hands of my wife or anyone else for that matter (she's not as violent as I make her sound....except when I tickle her.....then she'd probably gouge my eyes out).

I think the reason we (or at least I) like to make comparisons is that it's our best way to gauge our comprehension. I don't comprehend things well, especially when reading. I remember being in school and taking exams or even worse, SAT's, and dreading the reading comprehension portion because I knew I sucked at it. I would tear through the math portion like a wizard and when it was time to read my brain shut down. It was like it was on strike. I remember sitting in my high school library taking the SAT's and my heart racing and feeling like it was going to leap out of my chest and onto the floor. At that moment I would have paid for that to happen so that I could stop the reading comprehension, or in my case, lack thereof.

All that to say comprehension is different for all of us and it takes some of us great lengths and long stretches to reach. But I believe we do our best comprehension when we adequately compare things in which we are familiar. Familiarity brings comfort. This can be a bad thing too, but for comprehension sake it's good. Which is probably why most of us when someone asks, "how are we doing today", we immediately think in our minds, "well, compared to yesterday things are pretty good." Compared to yesterday, compared to today, compared to last week. Compared to him, compared to her, compared to me, compared to you. Comparisons can also be bad especially when trying to live up to them. That kind of comparison will leave us feeling inadequate for the rest of our lives, but comparisons can, and often are great for comprehension.

One of the coolest things that I've learned through comparisions is that there are some things you can't compare nor can you fully comprehend (I know this seems contradictory to what I had just finish saying). Sure you can match them up and place them along side one another, but in reality there's no possible way to wrap our minds completely around it. Take God for instance. Sure we can know about Him, we can learn about His character and even pinpoint some attributes that help us understand Him. But to fully comprehend, to fully know God is to know more than God....and that, if you subscribe to God being all-knowing, is impossible.

I've found myself after studying and learning about God that there really is no comparison to Him. But when I try, I end up becoming more in awe of who He is. When I realize how small I am compared to the rest of the world, and how small the world is in compared to the Sun, and how small the Sun is compared to our solar system, and how small our solar system is compared to our galaxy, and how small our galaxy is compared to our universe it can be quite overwhelming. What's even more overwhelming is that there is no comparison to God. No thought, no imagination, no make-believe or fantasy, no physical realm or tangible object compares to the Creator of it all. Now that's something to be overwhelmed with and nothing, no relationship and no person compares to the greatness of knowing Him.

"Nothing Compares" Third Day
I've heard all the stories
I've seen all the signs
Witnessed all the glory
Tasted all that's fine

I see all the people
Wasting all their time
Building up their riches
For a life that's fine

I find myself just living for today
'Cause I don't know what
Tomorrow's gonna bring
So no matter if I rise or fall
I'll never be alone, oh no

Nothing compares to the
greatness of knowing You, Lord
Nothing compares to the
greatness of knowing You, Lord

Sinful Propensity

The other day I was reading a book and it talked about our propensity to sin. I wasn't sure if the word 'propensity' was the proper expression until I begun to define what it meant. I always thought propensity meant tendency. Our "tendency to sin" seemed like a reasonable statement, but I kept exploring. I love etymology! Looking up definitions often leaves one having to search for an even better understanding so I knew I needed to search deeper. When looking up the etymology of a particular word you cut to chase. So, I looked up the etymology of the word propensity and discovered that it means "a disposition to favor", "prone to", and "inclined". However, further reading I came across the Latin word propendere, which means "incline to, hang forward, weigh over". Broken down, pro meaning "forward" and pendere meaning "hang".

My first thought was, "okay, this doesn't help me at all." Have you ever done that? You work, search, and explore to find out that you did it for nothing and then people who are sage-like will say something profound like, "it's not the end result that matters, but the process that counts", or "it's all about the journey". I hate that. Mostly because I am guilty of saying that to people (if I have ever said that to you please forgive me). I know, I'm lame. However, I kept thinking about what it meant to "hang forward". I looked it up to see if it was a common phrase back in the day, but I had no luck. Hang forward......hang forward.........what does it mean?

It was then I had this picture of when I'm at the gym stretching after I had just finished running on the treadmill. I would widen my stance and stretch my hamstrings and reach down towards the floor. As this image was in my head I began to think that this is what it means! Hanging forward means to have the posture of bowing. It's like a bowing down to that which is in front of me. It was then that it also hit me that to have a propensity to sin meant that I have a natural inclination to bow down to my sin. It becomes the object of my affection and in turn I then have the tendency to give my sin a position of worship. I began to dwell a bit on my own depravity (this took me a while). My discovery was that often times I forget what I'm really like. Why? Well, because I've become pretty good at pretending my sin is no big deal, that I have it under control, or that it's not as bad others. It was then I realized my reasoning was completely flawed. No matter the type of sin, when we do sin we are hanging forward or bowing down to it as if it were God. We give it a place of worship. Instead of God, I have given sin a place in my heart, in my mind and in my soul that I might worship it. I realized then my sinful propensity. In turn it brought me to my knees and I've never been so broken in my life. It was in that state of brokenness I realized I was right where God wanted me to be. I have no doubt in my mind that Jeremy Riddle was in the exact place when he penned the song Sweetly Broken. It's taken on a new meaning for me and I hope it does for you as well.

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

Quality Writing

I've never been one to choose my words skillfully. I grew up in a family that didn't have a high regard for diction or articulation (that sounds mean.....it's not meant to be). Often, I found myself making words up on the fly (I still do that). I realize the more I read, the more I'm appreciative of gifted writers. I have a couple of friends who rank amongst those gifted scribes, but think their talent is subpar. I have a few old dead guys whom I enjoy as well. I also love an artist/musician who can phrase words (albeit simple words) and resonate with so many different people.

I remember being in the car about 9 years ago or so, and Jessica (my wife) and I were listening to some music and she pulled out my cds (yes, the ones that were stolen :/). She pulled out the sleeve for an album called "Learning to Breath" by Switchfoot. Both of us were very familiar with Switchfoot's songs, but never spent the time reading their lyrics. I think we spent that whole trip reading the lyrics on the rest of that album and the "New Way to Be Human" album as well. We had a new appreciation for Jon Foreman and purposeful writing..........quality writing.

I wanted to post these lyrics because it brings me back to a time when I finally understood the meaning of that particular song. If you ever wanted a second chance, if you ever needed a second chance, you get the opportunity start over and learn to breathe. From a guy who has messed up in his life many times, being able to say that I have a new life with God, that I have another chance to live the way I was meant to live, it's no wonder the lyrics say, "I'm living again, awake and alive, I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies." Brokenness is often the state in which we listen most. It's often the place in which we realize our true blessings. We may not know what to say, or how to say much of anything. I know growing up I didn't. Even now I have difficulty. But as the lyrics read, "This is the way that I say I need you, this is the way that I say love you, this is the way that I say I'm yours." Whatever way you say it, it's your way..............and I think it's the quality that counts.

Learning to Breathe by Switchfoot
Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is the way that I say I need You
This is the way that I'm

Learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that
I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

So this is the way I say I need You
This is the way that I say I love You
This is the way that I say I'm Yours
This is the way, this is the way

Character Counts

It seems like the more I learn about the character in others it reveals more about my own. This isn't a judgmental post, but more of an inward reflection. I started this blog to figure out someway to pour out on paper, or in this case electronic paper, thoughts about my life and the what God is teaching me. I know some of my posts tend to be rants more than reflections, but who asked you anyway? (I kid, I kid!) That being said, one of the things I've been learning more than any other subject in the last few years has been the topic of character; yours, mine, God's. Here's what I've learned so far regarding the first two:

Yours: It's masked well, but much is revealed through conversation and attitude.
Mine: Unfortunately it's like an on/off switch....that's broken. I'm working hard at trying to figure out the wiring because I keep experiencing short circuits.

The two are very similar. One is just easier to detect than the other. As most of us know when you get to know another person you begin to establish assumptions about one another. You know what they might say, how they might think, and what they might do in situations because you've spent time with them. You've learned their methods. You've learn their style. You've learned their consistencies (good and bad). The more time you spend with them the more likely it is for you to think about them when you are away from them. I'm not only talking about significant others, but friends in general do this as well. As we learn more about one another, we discover the true character of the person. As we know more about one another, some of us begin to hold on another in high esteem. Why? Well, I think it's because we admire them. Maybe we even want to be like them. Why? Maybe because there is something different about them that we wish was evident in our own.

When I think about how much time I might spend with an individual for these reasons, I wonder........do I desire that same amount of time with God? Have I spent the time truly getting to know God and His character. I realize from experience with my friends that I can't know God's character without first spending time learning about Him. I would probably take it even one step further. Like the knowledge we gain about our friends and the admiration that follows, I believe that the only reason we worship God is due the knowledge we have of Him. Without knowledge of God, without the pursuit and study of his character and nature, without time spent getting to know how great and awesome He truly is, I can't worship Him. I won't worship Him.

It saddens me to think that there have been times in my life where I've stopped. There have been moments in my life where I've sat idle in my study of God thinking I was worshiping Him with all of my mind when I really wasn't. I thought I was, but I look back now and see that I was just going through the motions.

I realize that this post started off about character and has now ended up on the topic of worship, but hopefully you can see the direct correlation between the two. I honestly believe you can't have one without the pursuit of the other.

Can't Complain....Right?

"I can't complain" is a common response to the question, "How's it going?" I hear it often enough that I deemed it blog-worthy. I asked a friend the other day how life's been treating them (I know this is a lame question because I really didn't care)? Anyway, their response to me was, "I can't complain." But immediately they proceeded to complain about their life situation, their kids, their company, the food they were eating and how busy there were that they barely had enough time to sit there and complain (I didn't invite them to sit, they decided to do so on their own volition). All I could think about was wait.......didn't you just say, "I can't complain"? And now you're complaining? And now I'm complaining because you duped me into thinking this would be a conversation I would actually like to have, but instead you lied to me and then proceeded to share things I couldn't care less about.

Don't get me wrong, I'd listen if I he had told me "not good", but I distinctly remember him telling me, "I can't complain". As I endured the agonizing 20-minute gripe fest, I began to think, when is it okay to complain? Complaining can be valid, but everyone hates listening to complainers (I know this to be true because my wife tells me all the time, which is probably why she walks away while I'm talking).

What justifies a valid complaint? I'm sure there are many things to complain about and we probably can justify every one of them. I think the most valid complaint is when you purchase something, have expectations of the item you purchased, and then those expectations go unmet. Anytime this occurs I think your complaint is valid. But what about when it's something you didn't purchase?

Case in point: I visited my "office" and ordered my regular items for the morning. The lady at the register had given one of those items to me for free (sweet, right?). The other item I actually paid for had been prepared in a way that didn't really meet my expectations (not good). Bewildered, I paused (This seemed like an eternity to me). Do I tell her it's not the way I like it? I mean she just gave the other item to me for free. Can I complain when she gave me the more expensive item for free? I stood there for a few seconds really perplexed (you would only understand if you knew how I am with my food). I looked up, smiled, and said, "thank you!"

My question: Can you complain in this situation? Is it wrong to complain for free stuff? When can you complain? What's your take on complainers? Are you a complainer? Please...feel free to complain. :)

It's On Me

Have you ever been out to grab a bite to eat and when finished ordering the cashier kindly says, "it's on me"? Forget that it is probably not ON them, but ON the company rather, and this act is undoubtedly considered stealing, but you reply, "Thanks" nonetheless.

I find that when you frequent certain places (which I never do) you get to know the personnel really well and they almost become like friends who you don't have to call (ever) or even remember their name (because it's on their shirt). As a matter of fact you don't even have to go into deep conversation about anything that might drain you before you've wrapped your tourniquet and injected your morning crack.......i mean caffeine/sugar. It's almost the ideal friend situation. Except that we aren't friends. They know nothing about you. They barely know what you do for a living and some conversations are just repeats from yesterday. But what I find most amusing about this particular relationship (acquaintance) is that they value your business. Even if they are not the manager, or his/her assistant, they deem you deserving of a free beverage or free treat "on them". And even if you aren't deserving, they offer it to you regardless.

This week I visited my local eatery and for three days in a row I received something for free. I couldn't believe it! I responded with gratitude because there was nothing I did to deserve this gift. They don't know me, they probably don't even know my name, but they fed me and gave my drink when I thirsted and not just once, but multiple times.

I'm always searching for deeper meaning when there is no depth to a situation (which is why i bump my head a the bottom of the pool), but in this particular case I wasn't even searching and there God reminds me that he's given me something greater than anything in the world. Tomorrow is Good Friday. God the Father deemed it necessary because of sin, because of my depravity to offer the gift of His Son. I'm in no way trying to downplay this most tragic, yet beautiful event by comparing it to my free beverage and treat. But the similarity between of the two speak very clearly to me. I'm so not deserving, but God offered His Son. I'm so not deserving, but Jesus offered up His own life.

"He gave up his life because He willed it, when He willed it, and as He willed it." - Augustine

It's like he said, "It's on me!" When i really consider this act of love it becomes too unbearable for me to handle. My only hope is that I respond appropriately with my life.