Valued Communication

     As the year is coming to an end I’m trying to plan for next year and what I really want to write about. This blog was originally intended to be nothing more than a place for me to express my thoughts, experiences, and maybe even vent a little bit (that hasn’t happened all that much). It was created with the hope that someone might stumble upon it and connect with something I shared and find out that they’re not alone in this life. But the purpose in that would be that readers would ultimately discover that there is a God, a Creator, an all-knowing and all-powerful being who is mindful of humanity. Hence the name “mindful of me.”

     The goal for next year remains the same, but it may include some very specific things such as singleness, relationships, dating, premarital and marital topics. When I wrote the last post a lot of things stirred up in me that caused me to reflect on my life. I’m a communications major who pursued a master’s degree in interpersonal communication (although I didn’t finish the program). If you knew my upbringing at all you would know that this area was not a strong suit (which may have been the reason I was so drawn to it). If my family were good at something communicatively, it would have been arguing and yelling (and anything sports related). It wasn’t that we didn’t know how to communicate we just didn’t know how to do that competently and effectively. As I studied my family history I could see how this ineffectiveness had been passed on from generation to generation. What I learned by studying my family’s communication history was that it explained why I grew up speaking and listening the way I did. It helped make sense as to why disagreements often escalated resulting in hurt, pain, and deterioration. The benefit in this research and discovery was the fact that I realized it could end with me. It didn’t have to be passed on to my kids. But the only way that I could ensure this wouldn’t happen would be to make significant changes in my life.

     Just because your family has a history of something (dysfunctional communication, anger, alcohol, abuse, etc.) it doesn’t mean it must continue. Sure, there are certain things that are passed on in our DNA (looks, laughs, voice, height, male pattern baldness J). When it comes to communication, this is an area that can change. Except that this kind of change comes with great difficulty.

     You realize how difficult this is in your interpersonal relationships that aren’t even at an intimate level. We all have very close friends (hopefully…..maybe one close friend). It is likely that we will have no problem spending the entire day with said friend(s). We might even spend a weekend away together celebrating an occasion. But that’s really when it’s time to part ways and go home to your sanctuary because you really can’t take much more of them. However, sometimes people feel like it would be a good idea and become roommates. What first sounds like a great idea and opportunity to share expenses, household chores and have more financial freedom, often results in a communication nightmare. The first week goes really well. Both of you are trying to adjust to the new bathroom schedule and bedtimes/wake up times. There might be times occasions you realize that that they keep their room a certain way that’s different than how you keep yours. You may open the fridge and find that the food you saved last night is no longer where you left it. You might also open up the cupboards and pick out your favorite snack and realize there is only one cookie left and it’s more crumbs than anything else. You may also find out things at the most inopportune times. Like when using the bathroom you discover that your new roommate forgot to replace the toilet paper and to your dismay there are no extra roles underneath the sink.

     These are all scenarios that people encounter when living with another person. Which makes good interpersonal communication skills an extremely valuable asset/tool. In a friendship relationship these things will most certainly get addressed sooner than if the relationship was an intimate one. The reason is that a couple is usually blinded by their feeling of “love” for each other. You’re often less concerned if they leave the toilet seat up, leave a mountain of clothes on the floor, stack clutter all over the kitchen table or drink directly out of the milk carton. Your idiosyncrasies are forgivable because they “love you just the way you are” (Billy Joel anyone?) But the problem with this is that it often delays couples from communicating early and often when problems arise. I’ve counseled more couples whose metaphorical house was completely engulfed in flames when they should have come to me when the fire was contained to the kitchen stove. Why do couples do this? Because it’s usually how things were done in the home they grew up in. Issues weren’t discussed. No one asked for help. No one sought real change (especially communicatively). Before long the deterioration goes on for so long there is slim chance for repair and termination looms.

     Well, now doesn’t that sound happy and fun (it better not)? I sincerely hope to have at least heightened the value of interpersonal communication. I know I haven’t really provided you with any tools, but stay tuned in the posts to come. I’m not expert in the study of communication. Even though I teach it, I’m still not a professional. I tell all my students that just because I teach communication courses it doesn’t mean I’m the greatest communicator to have ever lived. I teach communication because I value it tremendously. It’s because I value it that I study it more. My hope is to pass on this value to you and your family. I’m still working to become a more competent and effective communicator (that will never end). I’m still studying my family and each members’ communication style. It’s very easy to critique them and offer suggestions as to how to “fix” their dysfunction. But it’s extremely difficult to change my own. Isn’t that the truth for all of us?
     I want to be changed. I want to be transformed. I want to be renewed into all that God wants me to be (Romans 8). But it must first come by submission. Submission to the fact that I don’t have it all together. Submission to the fact that I am a work in progress and that there are some much needed renovations in my life that still need to be done (and may never be complete this side of eternity). If we can start there I believe we have made significant transformative progress. It will be through moments like this where we may find God’s personal touch in our life. I think that it’s not only a great place to be, but a perfect place to live.

I Choose You

“You will always want your husband to be doing more than he is and he will always wants you to be more than you are.” – Matt Chandler

     I have issues. It goes without saying really, but for some reason people think I don’t. When they meet my wife they immediately think how wonderful she is because, well, she is! But guess what…..she has issues too! We all have them. We all struggle with them. We all try to war against them trying to either suppress or ignore them. We hope that in time they will somehow magically disappear. In my experience those issues hardly ever go away. If anything they multiply. They’re like gremlins (random 80’s reference). Just add water and there is suddenly an infestation.

     A good friend once told me that I needed to completely focus my time on writing about dating/engagement/marital issues. They said that there aren’t many blogs that explore this topic well enough for those who are in the thick of it. I’m not sure that I’m qualified to do something like that, but it most certainly interests me. If there has been something I wanted to champion it is strong relationships within marriage. Not because of the high divorce rate (although that’s a great reason), but because there is something about the greater picture of God’s plan that is on display in a martial relationship (I’m sure I heard that somewhere). I remembering hearing Matt Chandler speaking on marriage and he said,  “You will always want your husband to be doing more than he is and he will always want you to be more than you are.” There is so much about this that I’m not sure it can be captures in in one post, so this might be part one of many.

     There is something to the idea of complementary roles that husbands and wives tend to have. This last statement isn’t meant to stir up a debate on gender roles in the household. I’m not advocating an egalitarian or a complementation view of male and female roles. My point is to highlight that we are each created equally yet uniquely distinct. This applies to everyone. When it comes to the distinctions that Chandler makes, I tend to agree if it’s applied as a generalization. Not every woman wants her husband to be doing more than he is. Some actually want him to be more than they are (I’m not the only parent in this house!). The opposite is true as well. Not every man wants his wife to be more than she is. Some actually want her to simply do more (you can’t work full-time and cook me dinner?!). But if I can speak in general, this quotation sums it up really well.

     When you enter into marriage you bring all of these expectations into your home. These expectations are often based on experiences in your own families. But some of these expectations can be grossly distorted by a variety of unhealthy influences. When a couple decides to commit to each other for the rest of their lives they usually do not consider the fact that their spouse will never measure up to those expectations. He will never do everything she wants. She will never be everything he wants. This isn’t what most single adults want to hear because if you truly consider these things you may be completely turned off to marriage all together. But the power of marriage that is powerfully lasting is when a couple can come to the point where they realize that their expectation may never be met and choose each other anyway.

     I may not have chosen my wife with all of her issues in view and I am certain she didn’t choose me with all of my issues in view. If we had I don’t know if we would have jumped in so eagerly. But it’s part of the growth and development portion of marriage people don’t tell you about. You don’t realize that this area will probably take up the rest of your life (this is all without children). So, she may never be everything you want her to be, but who is? He may never do everything you want him to do, but who does?
     A strong healthy relationship will acknowledge these issues exist. A strong healthy relationship will promise to work on them even though it doesn’t come naturally. But most importantly, a strong healthy relationship will choose to love them in all their differences, in all their weaknesses, and in all their insufficiencies.  I think when we learn this we are one step closer to seeing the great love God has for us.  We’re also one step closer to understanding His purpose for marriage.

Inspiring Risk

     Yesterday was a really productive day at my home (which is why I didn’t post anything). I wasable to do some yard work, clean the garage, and put up some Christmas lights. In addition, my wife made some really tasty turkey noodle soup from the turkey she made for Thanksgiving. If you knew my wife you would be shocked by this last statement. Her cooking is somewhat of an anomaly. That isn’t meant as a jab towards her. She would be the first to acknowledge that she’s no Martha Stewart (pre-prison days). I will say that when she cooks (we’re talking like a couple times a year) it is always super tasty!

     Before you think I’m some kind of jerk for saying all that I want to add that it doesn’t bother me that she doesn’t cook. I knew long before we got married that this wasn’t something she liked to do. It also doesn’t help that she lived with her Nana (her grandmother) when we were dating and her food is hands down my favorite (well….it might be a tie between her Nana and her mom’s). We both take responsibility in trying to literally put food on the table. When people find out that we don’t cook and wonder what we eat every day (especially since we have kids), we often look at each other and laugh because we don’t know either (no, we’re not a top ramen family….although I think it's delicious).

     Thanksgiving evening we decided that it would be in our best interest that we refrain from joining the masses as they scratched and clawed their way to grab that black Friday deal, and instead decided to watch a movie called Chef. If you haven’t seen this movie I recommend you rent it or possibly even purchase it. I won’t give you all the details, but the movie follows a chef played by Jon Favreau who suddenly quits his job at a prominent Los Angeles restaurant after refusing to compromise his creative integrity. I’m not critic when it comes to movies, but I was really impressed with every aspect of the movie. But I was mostly impressed by how inspirational it was. When the movie ended my wife and were not only hungry by having our taste buds triggered by the delicious food that was made in the film, but we were also inspired.

     Obviously, my wife was inspired to whip up that turkey noodle soup after taking a risk in making a delicious turkey the day prior. It’s in those risks where we meet unknown challenges and figure out ways to overcome them, but it’s also in those risks that we discover new things about our character, our perseverance, and our ability to do something we’ve never done before. My wife would be the first to say that she is no chef. But it doesn’t mean that she can’t be one (and a really good one at that). She obviously made this Thanksgiving a very memorable one for our family. I was so proud of her effort, but I was even more proud of her taking a risk. Risks can often cause us to be fearful. But it’s in the risk where we discover that there is more inside of us that needs to be discovered and released. The interesting thing about that is that God already knows it’s there and He’s made it available for us to discover it if we want to take that risk.

     You may not be as inspired as I was watching this film, but my hope is that whenever you have the feeling of inspiration that you aren’t quick to shut it off or dismiss it. For those that actually read this blog, you know that this started off as an opportunity for me to share what God is doing in my life. This has been one of the risks I’ve taken in my life. I was never a good writer, my English/writing scores were always very low, and my reading comprehension scores were even lower. But I decided to take a risk and see what happened. It’s not a huge risk for me, but it’s a risk nonetheless. If there is any inspiration found in this one little post it’s that I’m not writing for me, but for those who need something a little extra today.

I pray you continue to discover what God has placed in you.

I pray that you would take the risk even though it might be challenging.

And I pray that you know that in those risks that you can be an inspiration to those around you.

Another Post About a Song

     What’s your favorite song of all time? That’s a really difficult question to answer, isn’t it? Because if it’s your favorite song then it must mean that you’ve listened to it so much that you may have grown a little tired of it. I never knew that I could have so much disdain for a song until I had children. Because of this we have implemented a rule that we do not play any children’s songs in our home (it’s more of an unspoken rule). I know what you might be thinking, “we’re depriving our kids,” but I don’t see it that way. I like to think that we’re saving them from impending rage or fury (that’s not meant to be funny).

     Just recently our youngest decided to resurrect the worst song ever written. I won’t even mention it here because I might relapse and find myself curled up on the floor in the fetal position (again). Isn’t it interesting how songs have such an influence on us (good or bad)? Some songs incite anger or disdain and others stir in us this excitement or inspiration.  A song often draws us in with its “catchiness” immediately hooks us. It could be a great beat, a nice tone of voice, a great riff, or a clever way they penned some words. But the best songs often have something really profound to say. Many times it has something to do with a relationship. It often includes themes like love, heartbreak, partying, and then love again.

     I was reviewing the Billboard’s Hot 100 songs of this year so far and many of these songs have the common themes I just mentioned. Just take a look at the top 5 this week:

Blank Space (T-Swift)

All About That Bass (Meghan Trainor)

Shake It Off (T-Swift again)

Animals (Maroon 5)

Habits (Tove Lo)

Each of these songs deals with love, heartbreak, partying, or all of the above.  If you ask any teenager or young person what their favorite song is chances are they’ll name one of these songs (unless they listen to country and in that case nobody cares). Is it the catchy beat? Maybe. Is it the excitement of the song? Possibly. Is it the message the artist is communicating? Likely. Is it the profound words the artists have forged deep within the soul in hopes to connect with the listener? Probably not.

     I’m not here to bash these songs or the artists. I actually like most of these songs, but they’re definitely not my favorite (nor will they ever be…..although I do like Maroon 5 a lot but that’s beside the point).  For a song to become a favorite for me it has to have layers. What I mean is that it can’t simply be a song that addresses what happens on the surface of a relationship or in life. I want a song with depth. I want a song that challenges me to think. I want a song that speaks truth even if it hurts. I want a little pain and a little agony. Not because I like those things, but because then I feel like I can trust what they’re saying. One of my favorites is not really a song that I sing a lot, but it’s one found in the Book of Psalms.

“For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me.” (Psalm 40:12)

     Doesn’t that make your heart all warm inside (wink face)? No! Absolutely not! At least not for me it doesn’t. I don’t know anyone who’s begging to cover that song. I never hear songs like this sung at karaoke night. No one is requesting to play that kind of song on any radio station. In my years of leading worship, no one has ever asked me to sing the one about where my sins have outnumbered me and have completely overwhelmed me in such a way that I can’t even see.

     Why is that? That’s what I asked myself the other day. Why is it that we often avoid these types of songs? After thinking about it at length I came to the conclusion that one reason might be that it’s too raw. What I mean is that songs like this seem to address the honest state of our hearts and souls and we’re not always comfortable with that. It’s often something we try to avoid altogether because we’ve become really good at pretending, masking, or numbing what’s really going on inside. The psalmist is honest, raw, open, and likely one step closer to freedom. Free from pretense. Free from the bondage of “having it all together.”

     I don’t think best songs need to sound great or have the catchy beat. I don’t think the best songs need to be the most popular. I think the best songs for me are the ones that tell a story. An honest story. One that resonates with humanity at a deeper level than what’s on the surface. It doesn’t have to say all the right words. It doesn’t even need to be catchy. It’s likely that it won’t be anywhere close to that. It just needs to be real. It just needs to be honest. The very best songs remind us that we’re not alone and that there is hope. It’s essentially the gospel story of redemption.
     There are many songs that fit that description, but I’ll leave you with one. I recently discovered this artist who I don’t know all that much about, but there is something about his songs that make me believe him. When he sings I can trust him because his words are honest. They may not always be reality, but at least he’s honest. Which is where I believe true life transformation begins. (Noah Gundersen)

The Power of Words

     Have you ever heard a song and knew exactly where you were when you first heard it? My mom claims to remember where she was when she first heard a the Beatles song, "All My Loving," February 9, 1964. She was about 12 years old at that time and often sat on the living room floor watching the Ed Sullivan Show. I had to check and see if they had the clip online from that night and found it here. What's crazy about this particular episode is that their set included, All My Loving, Till There Was You, She Loves You, I Saw Her Standing There, and I Want to Hold Your Hand. It sounds like a greatest hits album. As a matter of fact, most of these songs are on a compilation album called "1"(which is an album dedicated to their number one hits) and can be found here.
     When my mom said she could remember that day, I could see why it's never left her memory. Not only was it historic, but music and words have a way of nestling deep within our memory. This is usually a really good thing. When someone shares some encouraging words or some sincere flattery, it's very nice to hear. It makes you feel good inside. Sometimes it will stay with us for the rest of the day affecting our attitude and mood. But there can be a downside to remembering certain words. Especially when they are discouraging, disapproving, or insulting.
     Over my lifetime I can say with confidence that I have been flattered far more than insulted. "Must be nice," right (Yes, it is!)? In fact I've been reflecting quite a bit on the past several years and realized that I'm living in a time where I've never been so encouraged by those around me. I leave many conversations feeling grateful and satisfied. It's a very sweet time of life, but for some reason my mind drifts back in time and I find myself holding onto some hurtful words. Most of the complaints I receive typically roll right off my back. I'm not one to take offense to negative or critical comments. I know my imperfections. I know that I am a work in progress. So, I typically receive those comments and try to figure out how to get better. But every once and while there are comments that have left a negative impact on me because of the details of those comments, the circumstance, and the person who delivered those difficult words.
     What are the most difficult words someone has said to you (true or not)? Whatever they were I'm sure they still hurt a little (or a lot). You can remember exactly where you were when they were said. You can probably remember the environment, the time of day, and maybe even the smell of the room (it's crazy how our minds work). I find myself dwelling on one particular instance (I won't share it here) and it leaves me feeling sad. I'm not sad because I believe those words anymore (nor did I ever), but because those words were symbolic of how the relationship ended (I would gladly share the details with anyone who asks). Words have such a powerful impact and influence on the way we see ourselves, the way we interact with others, and how we live our life. Many people are stuck underneath the weight of some words that were said about them (or to them) leaving them in a state of debilitation. I remember someone telling me when I first started preaching and teaching, "For every flattering word you hear after a sermon you must keep in mind that there are people who hated it. They're just not telling you." I'm not sure I believe that as a rule, but it's a good reminder that I can't please everyone and I know it's not my job to do so either.
     What I've learned through all of this is that it will be very difficult to forget certain words and events I experience in this life (good or bad). They're stamped in my memory forever. But what's helped me get through it is knowing that it doesn't have to influence the way I live my life. It doesn't have to overwhelm my thoughts. I don't have to bear the weight of those circumstances, words, or people. I will probably never forget those moments, but I can tell you that I have made really great memories recently that make that time seem a little more distant each day. It's not about erasing (that's not my job anyway) or trying to pretend it never happened, but it's about making new memories that are a part of the bigger picture.
     The Apostle Paul once said, "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ" (Philippians 1:6). There are many good memories/experiences to be made and there is a big picture that we all must keep in sight. God is continuing His work in you and He's doing the same in me. We will have good and bad memories. But those memories do not determine our lives....they only tell of where we've been. I look forward with a great hope to where God is taking me in this season of life. I pray that you can rest in that same hope.

A New Way to Be Human

"We miss the incarnation when we view Jesus only through His death on the cross instead of through His life in the neighborhood." - Hugh Halter (Flesh, 2014)

     The only church I knew growing up was one that had a replica of Jesus on a cross. I couldn't tell you why He was there. I could only tell you then that I didn't care all that much. It wasn't until later in my life that I understood the symbolism. It was then that I realized that the image of Jesus on a cross wasn't the entire story. I remember thinking that the real story was that Christ died and rose again. I mean isn't that the promise that we hold onto?
     There was a time in my life where the emphasis of Jesus' resurrection was pretty much the only thing that was taught in the studies I was attending. Everything boiled down to heaven, everlasting life, and the rapture. It was like Tim LaHaye had cornered the market in every Christian circle I ran with. I didn't know any better. I just trusted what others in the faith were reading and believing because I was still new to it all.
     I don't want to cast a negative light on all of my past. There were many great things that came from those years that I'm so grateful for. There are also some great friends that I made who are literally family to me (yes, literally). The truth was that I learned over time that faith in Jesus Christ wasn't only about things yet to come, but it was also about the here and now. That's when I started to explore the idea of the incarnation of Christ.
     Incarnate means the embodiment, personification, or the manifestation of something. In other words, it means to become flesh or human. The study of the incarnation of Christ is much wider than the measly scope of this blog (that's obvious), so I wont bother getting in too deeply with it. All I want to say about it is for most of my Christian life I've spent more time talking about Jesus as God, and less time exploring Jesus as a man. The bible teaches that He's both, but for some reason the circles I was in never really focused on that part.
     In his book, Flesh: Bringing the Incarnation Down to Earth, Hugh Halter says, "We miss the incarnation when we view Jesus only through His death on the cross instead of through His life in the neighborhood." His point in saying this was that although Jesus death on the cross was huge and even game changing, it wasn't the only reason He became human. Halter claims that "Jesus also came to live a life, to model a new way to be human (Switchfoot anyone?), and to show us how to live in our own flesh."
     I appreciate Halter's view. It's something I've been trying to put into words for years. I'm so thankful for the cross. I'm so thankful for what God has done by becoming flesh and paying the ultimate sacrifice that no one else could pay. But I'm also grateful for the fact that He lived here on earth in the form of a human, to teach us a new way to live this life.
     The musician, Jon Foreman, once wrote, "And where is our inspiration? When all the heroes are gone. Hey kids, could we be the ones?"
     I believe that Jesus became flesh for all the reasons I mentioned above, but I also believe that He became flesh so that I might be human like He was. He is my inspiration. He is my hero. And I believe He's calling me to follow His lead. To follow His lead in my marriage, as I raise my kids, in my job, and in my neighborhood. I don't know about you, but I think we could be the ones that help people see the beauty of who He really is: God in the flesh.

Together

I was away last week, so I've decided to make up for it with a really long post. ;) Just kidding, not kidding.

1 Corinthians 1:10 says, “My brothers and sisters, I urge you by the name of our Lord Jesus, the Anointed, to come together in agreement. Do not allow anything or anyone to create division among you. Instead, be restored, completely fastened together with one mind and shared judgment.”

1 Corinthians 12:12-13 says, “Just as a body is one whole made up of many different parts, and all the different parts comprise the one body, so it is with the Anointed One. We were all ceremonially washed through baptism together into one body by one Spirit. No matter our heritage – Jew or Greek, insider or outsider – no matter our status – oppressed or free – we were all given the one Spirit to drink.”

1 John 4:12 says, “No one has ever seen God with human eyes; but if we love one another, God truly lives in us. Consequently God’s love has accomplished its mission among us.”

1 Peter 3:8 says, “Finally, all of you, be like-minded and show sympathy, love, compassion, and humility to and for each other.”

2 Chronicles 30:12 says, “The hand of God was also on Judah to give them one heart to do what the king and the princes commanded by the word of the Lord.

Colossians 3:13-14 says, “Put up with one another. Forgive. Pardon any offenses against one another, as the Lord has pardoned you, because you should act in kind. But above all these, put on love! Love is the perfect tie to bind these together.”

Ephesians 1:10 says, “A plan that will climax when the time is right as He returns to create order and unity – both in heaven and on earth – when all things are brought together under the Anointed’s royal rule.

     I’ve been a part of a team in some fashion for most of my life. I grew up playing sports. I loved the competition. I loved to see if I could be the best. There was this drive in me to be the best at whatever I was doing. It didn’t always work out for me. Sometimes, I wasn’t the best. Actually, for a good chunk of my youth I wasn’t even close to good. It wasn’t until later when I began to develop more skills, strengthen the skills I had already had, and learn to make fewer mistakes. But there was one more thing that really changed my level of skill and play. It was simply knowing that I was a part of a team. I began to realize that I needed my teammates and they needed me. I began to see the results of each of us holding each other accountable for our actions. We would work with each other in order to develop our skills. We called out our weaknesses to one another. Often times we filled in the gap where others were not so strong. We were a team. We were cohesive. We were one.

     It’s interesting to me living in one of the most individualistic societies that there is something instinctive about wanting to belong. I find it odd only because I know so many people who like being alone. But when I ask them to choose between being isolated for the day or to have someone else by your side, they almost always choose the latter. Why? It’s because we were never designed to be alone. We were called to partner with one another. We were called to compliment one another. We were called to come together as one.

     This doesn’t mean you need to be married to live out this out. I mean just take my sports team example. As a matter of fact, if you’ve seen the most recent Nike video with Lebron James, you’ll see that the entire commercial is screaming unity, togetherness, and oneness. It isn’t a new concept. It’s actually a very ancient one. The video is truly amazing. But it’s not amazing because of modern technology or fancy cuts and transitions. It’s amazing because of the message. It’s a message that we need to be united as one.

     I find it odd that Nike seems to understand the concept of the church better than the church does. Or maybe it’s just a publicity stunt to draw ratings for the NBA or possibly join the band wagoner’s as they purchase a number twenty-three Cleveland Cavaliers jersey. Whatever it is, the message still speaks truth. It stirs our hearts and our affections because the Creator God designed us this way. To be completely fastened together with one mind and shared judgment. If the church could actually do this maybe others would finally notice. But the truth is that it must begin with me. What am I going to do about it? What am I going to do to show like-mindedness, sympathy, love, compassion, and humility to others? It isn’t until then that people will care to listen to what I have to say.

Things Are Shaping Up

"What we know not, teach us. What we have not, give us. What we are not, make us." - Allistair Begg

     Last week I had the privilege attending a conference at Azusa Pacific University for local pastors in the surrounding communities. It was there we were fortunate to hear from many great speakers, but the one I think most people came to hear was a pastor named Allistair Begg.
     I was first exposed to Beg when listening to another one of my favorite speakers on a podcast. He kept referencing this guy Allistair Begg. Having no previous knowledge of Him, I tuned into one of his podcasts on Truth For Life. Begg was born in Glassgow, Scotland and carries a very strong accent even though He has pastored and lived in Ohio for over 30 years. But all this information is meaningless to me. What makes me value this man is his incredible way of turning theological complex thought into simple and profound statements.
     It was at this conference where I heard him pray the phrase, "What we know not, teach us. What we have not, give us. What we are not, make us." I think my mind blew at that moment. The phrase had only eighteen words, yet there was so much depth. It was honest, simple, and profound all rolled into one. I loved it so much that it's been what I've been praying over this last week where I've made some discoveries that I would like to share.
     "What we know not, teach us." This phrase is so good! It acknowledges that we don't know everything. Duh, right? Actually it's not that simple. In light of some events that happened this week with a certain pastor in Seattle, I don't think it's easy to acknowledge that we may be a know-it-all. What I believe to be the downfall for many people in a high level leadership position is the fact that they don't surround themselves with real accountability and honest mentors. There is a great value in sitting under a teacher. Sometimes that teacher is God. Sometimes it's His word. Other times it's people you've given permission to call you out on things you don't see in yourself. We all need it.
     "What we have not, give us." Boom! We often have not because we ask not. I think I've heard that somewhere before. This doesn't mean that God's a genie and wants us to rub His lamp so that He can grant us wishes. What this means for me is that maybe I'm asking for the wrong things. So often I want to know God's plans. I want to be in on the planning sessions. I want to be able to collaborate with Him. But what I've realized is that the only reason I want that is so that I can somehow have control. Recently, God has given me some things that I do not deserve. I have wanted them for a very long time. But He didn't give them to me until this year. God's word says that God is a good Father that knows how to give good gifts. This is 100 percent true.....but only in hindsight. When I'm crying out in need, when I'm screaming out in desperation, when I've shaved my head and thrown ashes all around (it's quite the sight) I don't agree that He's a good Father or a good gift-giver. But it's because I'm too close to all my turmoil. It's only when I look back that I can see that His timing is perfect. That His gifts are perfect.
     "What we are not, make us." This has been the most difficult to deal with for me lately. I feel like I'm still in the midst understanding it. I am well aware of what I am not. As a matter of fact I feel it everyday. I'm not one to be so consumed by thoughts of weight management, but it's most certainly been on my mind lately. To add insult to injury, I was talking to Siri (on my iPhone) and she must have misheard me, but she asked me the greatest question she could ever ask: "So you want me to call you Fat Ass?" If I weren't laughing hysterically I might have cried a little. This hilarious response from Siri made me think a little about what I am not. Although some of those thoughts might be superficial, they are still real thoughts. So, lately, I've been praying that they wouldn't be. But in addition to that, I've been doing something about it too. Many people think that once you've prayed for a situation to change you pack it up and let God do the rest. I don't think that lines up with what the bible teaches at all. I see reference after reference where Jesus and His followers would not only pray for God's will, but then do whatever it takes to do His will. It seems like a pretty good plan to follow, doesn't it?
     I don't know if this post will meet you somewhere on your faith journey. My hope is that it does. My hope is that you know that you're not alone in this. My hope is that you also understand that God is not done with you. Keep learning, keep asking, and keep being shaped into who He wants you to be. Have a great week!

Who's Your Who?

     It was a little over two years ago when I learned an important lesson in my life. It wasn’t earth shaking by any means, but it most certainly redefined some areas of my life.

     Since the day of my youth society and culture has made it clear to me that the key to happiness is having “more”. In order to have more of whatever it is you want, you must have the resources to do so. Now for you to have the resources to obtain the “more” that you so desire, you must also pursue a career or profession that will pay you the largest sum of money. But in order for you to be in a position such as this you often must spend a large sum of money towards education and training. However, even this is not a guarantee. Education often needs the years of experience in addition to being highly skilled so that you stand out above the rest resulting in pay raises, bonuses, and overall monetary gains and perks for your hard work.

     This post isn’t a knock on any of the things aforementioned. All of those are good things and many times are areas we should consider and pursue in our own careers. But the thing I learned was that many of those are not the most important things in the end. I’m not saying education doesn’t matter, because it does. I’m not saying climbing up the ladder of success in your career isn’t important either, because it is absolutely important! You should absolutely try to excel in every area of your gifts and talents. But what I am saying is that doing what you love to do is great, but it’s not more important that doing it with the people you love.

     A little over two years ago I applied for a position that would have provided in many ways for my family. It would have changed my status and would have been considered a great move professionally. It was an opportunity that usually doesn’t come along very often for people. So, I pursued it with curiosity, excitement, and a little nervousness. I was eventually selected as a finalist and it was in that interview where I learned something I’ll remember forever. During our conversation the interviewer asked me three questions:

What do you love to do?

If you could do what you loved to do, where would you do it?

If you could do what you loved to do where you wanted to do it, whom would you want to do it with?

     
     I had never been asked these questions before. I certainly knew my answer to the first question without hesitation. But the next two questions took a little longer for me to answer. It’s not because I didn’t have several ideal locations of where I would love to work (e.g. Hawaii, San Diego, Hawaii, anywhere there’s air-conditioning and a food buffet), but what I started to think about was, “does it matter where?” I knew it didn’t, so that’s how I answered their “where” question.

     The “who” question took even longer for me to answer. Honestly, it had never entered my mind before that day. But I remember asking myself, “Who did Jesus choose to be with? Whom did He surround himself with?” What I realized during that introspection was that no matter how important my “what” (work, career, profession) is to me, I must also consider the “who”.  Who would I choose to work along side with doing what I love to do?

     What I realized that day was that the “what” you do is important, but the “who” is just as important. In certain seasons of life, the “who” is often more important than the “what”. For many years the “what” gave me my identity. When that went away for a season in my life I realized (a year later) that if I can’t do the “what” with the “who”, then I’ll never be as fulfilled as I could be. In many ways the “who” reminds me of where my identity comes from.

     Jesus was commissioned from God the Father to do the work set before Him, but He chose to do that work with people who would eventually become friends. The kind of friends that were willing to do as Jesus did and lay down their lives down for each other. I learned that day that this was far more important to me than what I did for a living. It wasn’t about my career. It wasn’t about making a name for myself. It wasn’t about acquiring more things or more titles. What I really wanted, what I really needed, were people to do this work with me. People who were committed to me and vice versa. I learned that doing what I love is far more valuable doing it with the people I want to do it with.

     Two weeks ago one of those who I have chosen to work with said to me, “I’m so glad we get to do this together. I’m in this with you for the long haul.” I completely agree. The “who” has changed everything for me. It’s changed my perspective of work and it’s value in this life. It just might do the same for you.