Why Things Don't Work Out

Ever wonder why something so sensible...doesn't make sense? Without divulging too much information, two particular incidents occurred this past month where I was sure it made the most sense to have it exactly the way I would have hoped. I was also pretty sure that it was part of God's plan. I mean why else would he allow me to experience what I did, all to say, "not now"? When it was pretty evident, in my opinion, that it was now more than ever. It made more sense than anything has ever made sense in my life, but it didn't come to fruition. You know, like traffic lights. They have a natural progression. It's green, turns yellow, and then red. It's never green, yellow, then green. That doesn't make sense. But I know God doesn't work like that. Often, I forget His plans are so great that even the thought of them are so much higher than I could ever imagine. Suffice it to say, I'm really learning what it means to take hold of what I know I'm supposed to do, and the other things will take care of themselves. So, I can't say why things don't work out they way I want them to other than the fact that maybe what I need to be concerned with is not what the future will be like, but what I'll be like in the future. And the only way to be sure I'll be the way God wants me to be is to be that way now.

The Grass Won't Water Itself

I'm often reminded of this phrase each time I cross my lawn. Growing up I didn't really do much watering since we had sprinklers that did the work for us. Occasionally, the sprinklers wouldn't reach a certain part of the grass and that part was taken care of by my mom or dad who would spend time deliberately watering the dry area.

At my current residence I don't have sprinkler per se, but I have one of those "above-ground-wet-your-car-and-not-really-water-all-that-well" sprinklers. It wouldn't be so bad if, when the timer shut off, the water pressure wouldn't cause the faucet to leak a ridiculous amount of water thus causing the bill to rise to an equally ridiculous amount. So...I have to water it manually. I despise this process since it takes time to spend each day, or every other, to deliberately do that which most homes and most people don't think twice about it as their timers take care of everything. Needless to say, my grass isn't the greenest....as a matter of fact, it's not even the yellowest. All that being said I am, without explanation, thankful for the rain. The rain does that which I'm usually too lazy (or forgetful) to do. I'm always amazed how green the grass becomes after the rain and I think to myself, "Wow! Water really does help!"

I was reading Isaiah 55 because my wife mentioned it the other day to me and so I decided to spend some time in my namesake (not really, but I like to pretend it is). Verse 8 and 9 are probably familiar to most people who have been around church, but it was the following verses that caught my attention.

"As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." - Isaiah 55:10-11

After reading this, I was reminded how often my good intentions fail. I intend every time I cross my lawn to water it so that it will be green and grow (and so that my landlords don't get upset). Like the rain and snow, the earth cannot help but be nourished by it. My lawn can't help but be rejuvenated and filled with vibrant life and newness the water brings.

There are many thoughts and parallels that I could probably use for my life, but in a time where I'm trying to be more patient and trying to figure all that God is doing around me, there's a better understanding the previous verses now bring.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:8-9

I don't have it all together. There, I've said it. I'm not always responsible (observed by my yellow lawn). Half of the time I'm not even sure I'm doing the right thing. These verses don't excuse irresponsibility, but rather remind me of how important it is to be deliberate about taking care of that which I can, and letting God do the rest (which is most of it anyway). I can water that lawn all I want, but ultimately it's God who makes it grow. It's humbling to know He's way smarter than I'll ever be, but equally humbling that He would use someone as messed up as me.

I Hate Complaining

When I realized that things in which we despise in others are rather apparent in our own lives, I began to see my life from a different perspective. It seems like we have a complaint for everything. Usually accompanying those complaints are solutions that would only cause more complaints or just simply a lack of solution all together. Most of us despise complainers. When someone complains about how we did something, or how we like something, or criticizes our effort, or has issue with our motive, we become rather offended. No one enjoys it when someone complains. Employers don't like when employees do it, parents are embarrassed and frustrated when their children do it, and spouses....well...let's just say aren't excited when they here another whining voice in their home.

I'll admit that I complain......a lot. I don't know why I did it growing up, but I know it's why I do it now as an adult. I've gotten much better at avoiding it, but every once in a while it creeps back into my life. As I thought about why I complain, I began to think about how it originates in our minds. My understanding is that an occurrence happens to our disliking, which then triggers a reaction that results in a verbal disapproval and demanding of some sort of entitlement to which we believe we deserve. So, basically....Complaining = Sense of Entitlement.

As I wrestled with this concept, it became clear to me that my upbringing, my culture, my country, and my generation as a whole believes that we are entitled to certain things. Living in this country, we believe that we are entitled to freedom, liberty and justice. I would take it one step further and say that we believe that we are entitled to happiness as well. Due to this sense of happiness entitlement, we think that we get to have it our way and when it isn't, we issue the complaint. But this isn't only true of our country or even this generation (as some older folk would argue). I believe it has been an issue for a very, very long time.

Whether you subscribe to belief in the Bible, you cannot deny it as a historical document. God's chosen people, the Israelites, were led out of slavery in Egypt and into the desert and ultimately into freedom. God brought this nation out of an oppressive state and into true freedom. God provided shelter, He provided food or manna (which is also a necessity for you W.O.W. nerds), and He provided guidance and leadership so long as they trusted God's appointed. They were given all of these things yet they still complained. So much so that some complained that they wanted to go back to slavery, back to oppression, back to their rut. Why? Because at the root of our selfish ways is this sense of entitlement - that we deserve that which we so desire.

It may seem like a stretch to say that when I complain about which way the toilet paper should roll, or whether or not the laundry finds its way into the hamper, I am engaging in my sense of entitlement. I'm saying to you and to anyone else for that matter that your way is dumb and mine is better. Why is it better? Because it will make ME happy. Why is that better? Because MY happiness trumps everything....even yours.

So, I'm trying to complain less these days (although this is up for debate). I don't want to have this sense of entitlement that I see played out in every part of today's culture. Not because I want to be better or think I'm better, but because it's not a product of a life that is truly grateful or a life that is truly redeemed.

I came across a Frederick Nietzsche quotation the other day that says:
"I might believe in the Redeemer if His followers looked more Redeemed."

I don't subscribe to much of what Neitzsche writes, but this truth could not have been more descriptive of me and my lifestyle. When I scanned the past few weeks I ran out of fingers to count the ways in which I wasn't living a redeemed life, mostly because of the complaints that have piled up. I don't want to feel entitled to that which I know I don't even deserve. I've been given one life to affect as many lives as I possibly can, all for the sake of the One to whom I believe we are all indebted. Not in an obligatory or monetary way (although this could be a possibility), but in a form of utmost gratitude and adoration. When we understand this, I believe those complaints finally began to fade.

I only hope that it continues to fade in mine.

I Have 13 Minutes

The title of this post means nothing except that it is the amount of time I have to finish before I attempt to get my work out on. I am known for some good things (yes, this is up for debate), but not known for writing (no debate there). Which is odd since this is a blog and most people who have a blog write better than the average. I like to consider myself a writer for the below average out there who are doing battle with those haters constantly correcting our spellig and grammer (I know that bugs you but you can't change it because this is my blog...HA!).

My wife always tells me that if for my posts to mean anything to anyone, I must have something to say that's worth reading. If that were the case I should just turn this computer off. I agree with her, but I continue to post to see if I can actually have more than four followers so that one day I might prove her wrong (probably not).

I wanted to share this video that I came across from Overlake Christian Church in Washington. The point of sharing is mostly for laughs, but the message is nothing but the truth. Just thought I would share. Enjoy!

9 Years Ago

It was 9 years ago when I saw my beautiful bride walking down the aisle and to this day have continued to walk through this life with her. We've had ups and downs, good times and sad times, but the bond between us has been the strength that keeps us united.

It doesn't seem like 9 years is a very long time, but in a society that sees commitment as conditional, it actually is a long time. Have you ever heard of the "seven year itch"? I hadn't heard it in this context prior to some research. I was reading some statistics on marriage and divorce (I teach at a marriage retreat) and the numbers indicate that it should actually be called a "four year itch" since the divorce rate is at its peak during the fourth year. After the fourth it progressively reduces seeing a significant decrease between years nine and ten.

Considering that these statistics play no role in whether or not someone gets divorce, it helps shed light on issues unresolved or reoccurring disputes between couples. It seems that it's during those first few years, when you're really getting to know this "stranger" you called "friend" a lot better. The first year or two seem like bliss and all the things that are annoying, you seem to dismiss. But come year three and four and having not worked on resolving any of those issues, you are now at each others throat and wanting to part ways. It's really sad to me because it only highlights the importance of healthy communication in marriage (which can be learned). It's pivotal in sustaining and strengthening the marriage and aids in the maturation of couple.

I have no real reason for posting this today other than to say statistics do not dictate the health of a marriage, but they do explain why so many fizzle. I believe much of it has to do with our conditions as oppose to the conditions God places on the marriage. I also believe that we as a society no longer understand what it means to be committed to something. Our yes only means yes until we "feel" otherwise. There is always a condition. It's these conditions we feel entitled to and deserve. Maybe because of our freedom, maybe because of our so called rights, maybe because we've completely twisted the purpose. I really don't know, but what I do know is that 9 years is another number that I celebrate. I don't celebrate the longevity, but it's quality, it's health, and it's commitment to unity. And I believe that to be the reason we married in the first place. Happy Anniversary Buddy (my wife)! I love you!

Classic Question

I was driving today when a song came on that hit me square in the face. This is a big deal since new songs never do this. It usually takes someone like me 10-15 times for a song to make sense to me and even then I'm not sure I comprehend it fully. I don't know if it's my poor comprehension skills, but nevertheless this song stuck.

The song was talking about living among the least of these; the weary and the weak....and it would be a tragedy for me turn away...all my needs have been supplied...when I was dead you gave me life...how could I not give it away so freely? The chorus sang out with a catchy yet convicting ring...I'll follow you into the homes of the broken...follow you into the world...meet the needs of poor and needy, God....I'll follow you into the world.

Being a pastor (of sorts), I can say that the biggest question that perplexes most followers of Jesus is, "what is God's will for me?" It's a good question if you really want to know, but not if you don't care to listen. Not if you're unwilling to step out on the edge and risk. I remember reading a book about how really stoppable people who call themselves followers of Jesus really are (McManus). He contrasted how unstoppable the first followers of Jesus were, not because they were stronger or smarter, but based solely on the fact that they were willing to risk. They were willing to be unsafe. To not have the safety net to catch them if they fell.

To this day I ask God time and time again, "God, what is your will for me?" I've slammed my head against the ground for 10 years trying to figure that out. I read something a few weeks ago that has begun to help me deal with this classic question. It said, "God will guide those whose hearts are open to follow. Be faithful in what God calls you to today and he will lead you tomorrow" (Erre). When I read this I felt frustrated because I feel like I don't even know what God calls me to do today! I must suck if I can't even figure that out. But I read some more and the author proceeded to say, "We know enough of God's will from the Scriptures to be busy enough. Today I am called to be a faithful husband, a loving father, a diligent pastor, a courageous witness, a prayerful worshiper, a law-abiding citizen, and an appreciative son. That is plenty. I have no idea where I will be in five years from now, and I have ceased caring. I am going to be faithful in what God has called me to do today, knowing that tomorrow he will direct me."

To me, it begs the question, "Am I passionately committed to living out those few things?" Because if I am, then I believe I'll be in God's will. It won't always be easy, or feel good, or be without pain. It won't always be fair, or fun, or clear, but I know it will be right. As of today, I'm really considering the pursuit of a doctorate degree, but I have no clue in which area of study I should be considering. I am trying to cease caring where I'll be in five, four, three, two or one year from now. It doesn't mean I won't want to know, because I do, but it does mean I want to be faithful and focused on what I'm doing now and be passionately committed to those things.

I mentioned that song earlier....it's written my Leeland Mooring and it hit me square in the face today because his desire is to follow God where no one else wants to follow Him.....where it's not comfortable, not safe, not secure. He wants to follow God and meet the needs of those around him who have nothing. He's been given much and how can he himself not give so freely? I want that to be me. Although some would say I'm not, I am very selfish at the core. I don't want to be this way because it's not the way Jesus taught and it's not the way He was. It makes Jesus' words, "Whoever loses his life will find it", make even more sense. It's about giving it away and being passionately committed to his teaching. Not just on a Sunday morning, but in my daily living. If I can do this, then I believe I will truly be in God's will.

It's a Good Day!

Prefeace: I'm prefacing this because it may seem a bit scattered brained. I wrote it in two sittings and I didn't want to delete the first half.....so......yeah. If it doesn't make sense then oh well.

I remember back in December of 2007, Jess and I had just returned from a trip to Mexico with her family and it must have been the next morning when she woke me and had a this huge smile on her face an uttered the words, "It's a good day!" What a loaded statement! I immediately thought, "Crap! I forgot something I was supposed to remember." But then she said it again, "It's a good day" and she held up what looked like, through my blurred vision, a thermometer. I had to keep blinking for the image to actually register in my head. It was a positive pregnancy test.

We had been trying to get pregnant for what seemed like two years, but she would say a year and a half. We had come to the conclusion, albeit a difficult one, that we may not have kids. We were finally getting to the point where we were both fine with whatever God wanted for us even if that meant not having any children. So, to have this blurry wand waving in my face and being told it was a good day was one of the best surprises ever.

This made me think back to that day and how happy we both were. What I realized though was that we were already happy. It wasn't until we were both satisfied with whatever God willed for our lives did He give us one of the best gifts, my son. I asked one of the girls at Panera how her day was going and she gave me this audible sigh and rolled eyes look. Needless to say she wasn't happy. I didn't get into any lengthy discussion about her job, but I could tell she didn't want to be there anymore. It made me think of how often I let my circumstances dictate the way I feel and the way I live. I was pretty disappointed at first when I thought we'd never have kids, but I realized that sometimes that happens. I'm pretty disappointed when they don't have my hazelnut coffee brewing. Shoot, I'm pretty upset when there is no more Splenda! But it shouldn't be a reason for me not to enjoy the life God has given me. People like to disassociate there spiritual lives with their real lives and I don't understand it. God has given me life abundantly and I'm to enjoy every bit of it because I see it all as a gift from Him. Even my frustration, and disappointments.....they're all from Him. I've realized that sometimes God's will looks nothing like mine until my heart and mind is ready to submit to His. I've realized also that sometimes my life looks nothing like Jesus' because I'm using my eyes for perspective as oppose to His.

I'll never forget that day Jess told me that it was a good day because it was.........but so is every other day because God made it that way.