Things Are Shaping Up

"What we know not, teach us. What we have not, give us. What we are not, make us." - Allistair Begg

     Last week I had the privilege attending a conference at Azusa Pacific University for local pastors in the surrounding communities. It was there we were fortunate to hear from many great speakers, but the one I think most people came to hear was a pastor named Allistair Begg.
     I was first exposed to Beg when listening to another one of my favorite speakers on a podcast. He kept referencing this guy Allistair Begg. Having no previous knowledge of Him, I tuned into one of his podcasts on Truth For Life. Begg was born in Glassgow, Scotland and carries a very strong accent even though He has pastored and lived in Ohio for over 30 years. But all this information is meaningless to me. What makes me value this man is his incredible way of turning theological complex thought into simple and profound statements.
     It was at this conference where I heard him pray the phrase, "What we know not, teach us. What we have not, give us. What we are not, make us." I think my mind blew at that moment. The phrase had only eighteen words, yet there was so much depth. It was honest, simple, and profound all rolled into one. I loved it so much that it's been what I've been praying over this last week where I've made some discoveries that I would like to share.
     "What we know not, teach us." This phrase is so good! It acknowledges that we don't know everything. Duh, right? Actually it's not that simple. In light of some events that happened this week with a certain pastor in Seattle, I don't think it's easy to acknowledge that we may be a know-it-all. What I believe to be the downfall for many people in a high level leadership position is the fact that they don't surround themselves with real accountability and honest mentors. There is a great value in sitting under a teacher. Sometimes that teacher is God. Sometimes it's His word. Other times it's people you've given permission to call you out on things you don't see in yourself. We all need it.
     "What we have not, give us." Boom! We often have not because we ask not. I think I've heard that somewhere before. This doesn't mean that God's a genie and wants us to rub His lamp so that He can grant us wishes. What this means for me is that maybe I'm asking for the wrong things. So often I want to know God's plans. I want to be in on the planning sessions. I want to be able to collaborate with Him. But what I've realized is that the only reason I want that is so that I can somehow have control. Recently, God has given me some things that I do not deserve. I have wanted them for a very long time. But He didn't give them to me until this year. God's word says that God is a good Father that knows how to give good gifts. This is 100 percent true.....but only in hindsight. When I'm crying out in need, when I'm screaming out in desperation, when I've shaved my head and thrown ashes all around (it's quite the sight) I don't agree that He's a good Father or a good gift-giver. But it's because I'm too close to all my turmoil. It's only when I look back that I can see that His timing is perfect. That His gifts are perfect.
     "What we are not, make us." This has been the most difficult to deal with for me lately. I feel like I'm still in the midst understanding it. I am well aware of what I am not. As a matter of fact I feel it everyday. I'm not one to be so consumed by thoughts of weight management, but it's most certainly been on my mind lately. To add insult to injury, I was talking to Siri (on my iPhone) and she must have misheard me, but she asked me the greatest question she could ever ask: "So you want me to call you Fat Ass?" If I weren't laughing hysterically I might have cried a little. This hilarious response from Siri made me think a little about what I am not. Although some of those thoughts might be superficial, they are still real thoughts. So, lately, I've been praying that they wouldn't be. But in addition to that, I've been doing something about it too. Many people think that once you've prayed for a situation to change you pack it up and let God do the rest. I don't think that lines up with what the bible teaches at all. I see reference after reference where Jesus and His followers would not only pray for God's will, but then do whatever it takes to do His will. It seems like a pretty good plan to follow, doesn't it?
     I don't know if this post will meet you somewhere on your faith journey. My hope is that it does. My hope is that you know that you're not alone in this. My hope is that you also understand that God is not done with you. Keep learning, keep asking, and keep being shaped into who He wants you to be. Have a great week!

Who's Your Who?

     It was a little over two years ago when I learned an important lesson in my life. It wasn’t earth shaking by any means, but it most certainly redefined some areas of my life.

     Since the day of my youth society and culture has made it clear to me that the key to happiness is having “more”. In order to have more of whatever it is you want, you must have the resources to do so. Now for you to have the resources to obtain the “more” that you so desire, you must also pursue a career or profession that will pay you the largest sum of money. But in order for you to be in a position such as this you often must spend a large sum of money towards education and training. However, even this is not a guarantee. Education often needs the years of experience in addition to being highly skilled so that you stand out above the rest resulting in pay raises, bonuses, and overall monetary gains and perks for your hard work.

     This post isn’t a knock on any of the things aforementioned. All of those are good things and many times are areas we should consider and pursue in our own careers. But the thing I learned was that many of those are not the most important things in the end. I’m not saying education doesn’t matter, because it does. I’m not saying climbing up the ladder of success in your career isn’t important either, because it is absolutely important! You should absolutely try to excel in every area of your gifts and talents. But what I am saying is that doing what you love to do is great, but it’s not more important that doing it with the people you love.

     A little over two years ago I applied for a position that would have provided in many ways for my family. It would have changed my status and would have been considered a great move professionally. It was an opportunity that usually doesn’t come along very often for people. So, I pursued it with curiosity, excitement, and a little nervousness. I was eventually selected as a finalist and it was in that interview where I learned something I’ll remember forever. During our conversation the interviewer asked me three questions:

What do you love to do?

If you could do what you loved to do, where would you do it?

If you could do what you loved to do where you wanted to do it, whom would you want to do it with?

     
     I had never been asked these questions before. I certainly knew my answer to the first question without hesitation. But the next two questions took a little longer for me to answer. It’s not because I didn’t have several ideal locations of where I would love to work (e.g. Hawaii, San Diego, Hawaii, anywhere there’s air-conditioning and a food buffet), but what I started to think about was, “does it matter where?” I knew it didn’t, so that’s how I answered their “where” question.

     The “who” question took even longer for me to answer. Honestly, it had never entered my mind before that day. But I remember asking myself, “Who did Jesus choose to be with? Whom did He surround himself with?” What I realized during that introspection was that no matter how important my “what” (work, career, profession) is to me, I must also consider the “who”.  Who would I choose to work along side with doing what I love to do?

     What I realized that day was that the “what” you do is important, but the “who” is just as important. In certain seasons of life, the “who” is often more important than the “what”. For many years the “what” gave me my identity. When that went away for a season in my life I realized (a year later) that if I can’t do the “what” with the “who”, then I’ll never be as fulfilled as I could be. In many ways the “who” reminds me of where my identity comes from.

     Jesus was commissioned from God the Father to do the work set before Him, but He chose to do that work with people who would eventually become friends. The kind of friends that were willing to do as Jesus did and lay down their lives down for each other. I learned that day that this was far more important to me than what I did for a living. It wasn’t about my career. It wasn’t about making a name for myself. It wasn’t about acquiring more things or more titles. What I really wanted, what I really needed, were people to do this work with me. People who were committed to me and vice versa. I learned that doing what I love is far more valuable doing it with the people I want to do it with.

     Two weeks ago one of those who I have chosen to work with said to me, “I’m so glad we get to do this together. I’m in this with you for the long haul.” I completely agree. The “who” has changed everything for me. It’s changed my perspective of work and it’s value in this life. It just might do the same for you.

Hello October     

     It’s Thursday, October 2, 2014. I have no idea why I wrote that last sentence. It seems redundant

since this blog has a date and time stamp (smh). I will pretend I wrote it because it’s been so long since the last entry.

     I decided today that I would write (or "type" for all you literalist). It’s funny because I write almost every day, but never with the intent to simply jot down thoughts, feelings, and doings. So, today will not include a special message or something to tie it all together (not that anyone’s listening anyway…jk). I just wanted to write because sometimes you need to get things outside of your mind and onto paper….or in my case a blog.

     I’m excited for this next season in life. I can’t remember the last time I was so excited to enter into a new season where I completely relied upon God’s leading. Well, maybe I can remember the last time, but this is significantly different than that since my previous experience included uprooting my family and job and all that good stuff (I’m still in therapy for that). I will say that it has it’s challenges since I’ve never started something from scratch. I’ve always been good at modifying other’s preexisting programs. This isn’t a program, but it is something new. I love having the freedom to do what I feel God has designed me to do. I love having the support from my family and my team. I love the unknown because that’s where God has done the most work in my life. I expect He will do the same thing this time around.

     Today also marks the first week of playoff baseball. On Tuesday the Kansas City Royals played the Oakland A’s in one of the longest and most exciting wild card games I’d seen in a very long time. However, it was followed up yesterday by a game that barely kept my attention (Giants vs. Pirates). Needless to say I’m very excited because it’s my favorite time of the year.

     It’s Fall, which usually means cooler weather, it’s playoff baseball and the Dodgers are in the hunt for a World Series, football season is already five weeks in and my Chiefs just came off a great win against the Patriots. Oh, and some of the shows we like to watch are back on the air so there’s that too (Survivor anyone?). But it’s not just that. There’s much more that I like about this time of year. It means that Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner. My little girl will be two! It’s pretty crazy for me to think about that one. My 14^th anniversary being married to my amazing wife is coming up, and then for Christmas our plan is to visit some family that we don’t get to see too often. I’d say I’m pretty excited.

     But what I’m most excited about is that I’m learning that God has given me a space. As a matter of fact, I’ve realized that He’s taken me there quite often. I just hadn’t noticed. It’s a place where He reminds me of things I don’t remember or sometimes He reminds me of things I have a hard time believing (anyone else or is that just me?).

     Psalm 18:19 says, “He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me.” This passage has been on my mind for about a month now. I’ve experienced this numerous times and each time I’ve learned a little more about God and a little more about me. This next season of life has me so excited because I not only get to experience this again, but even better, I get to invite people into that place and watch what God will do. I’m grateful He wants to use me and I’m humbled that He believes in me. My hope is to offer people wide-open opportunities, to create a large space for people to see, hear and taste that the Lord is good. And maybe they’ll see they’re loved, that they’ve been redeemed, and that He actually takes great delight in them.

Discipline and My Heart

What is discipline? It is difficult to define that which has so many negative connotations. So, instead of regurgitating what dictionary.com would say, I'm going to attempt to define what I believe discipline to be.

Discipline defined: Discipline is the art of collecting knowledge and learning a skill through training and experience that enables a person to act in a way that's both desirable and consistent. 

This definition may not be a great one, but it is certainly one that I can work with. I've acquired a lot of information, I've been trained in many ways, but have those ways enable me to act in a desirable and consistent manner? I think you already know the answer.

Sure, I "know" what discipline is. I have seen it in others and even witnessed it in my own life, but it seems to be something I find very elusive. Maybe you can relate. Whether it's my commitment to eat better, or to workout more, or finish what I started, I find it very difficult to remain consistent. I have often started a book only to come back to it a year later with a dog-eared page in the middle of the book. Then the thought comes to mind, "Why didn't I finish this?"

It's a great question really, but not one I ever truly answer. I tend to make excuses more often than not. "I got too busy", "I was reading three other books at the time", "Reality T.V. is so much easier and less time-consuming". Whatever the excuse, they never really answer the question. I think the reason is that I don't really want to admit the truth. The truth being that I'm not really that disciplined with most things in my life.

I have been told that I am an "easy-going, free-thinking, spontaneous, live-in-the-moment kind of person." "That's just who you are." In some ways (most ways actually) I agree with that assessment. One reason being is that it's easy. It is what comes natural to me. I am mister fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants. I don't like it, but that is who I am. You might say that I should embrace how I have been made. I get that, but that is not what I am talking about here. What I am talking about is there is a deep desire to to act in a way that is consistently healthy, healing, and beneficial to my life and the lives I influence on a daily basis.

That is why discipline is important to me. I don't have a grasp on it in every area of my life....but I'm learning. What the Bible has taught me more than anything else in the area of discipline is that I need to be aware of where my heart is at all times. 

In Proverbs 4 there is this famous phrase that reads, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." The writer is saying to protect your heart because it's the source of life. Not just obvious physical life, but a more important spiritual life as well.

But the writer doesn't end there. He goes on to say, "Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips." Essentially, what he is saying is that from the heart comes words out of your mouth that can have lasting effects.

The next verse says, "Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you." The writer is saying from the heart comes different thoughts so be mindful of where your sights are set. Where is your focus and what does that have to do with your heart? 

The next verse says, "Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways." What the writer is getting at is that from the heart comes certain actions as well.

The last verse in this chapter says, "Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil." The writer is saying that our heart is so vital that it can dictate our direction and future.

If you're anything like me, when thinking about becoming more disciplined in an area of your life, you quickly think about what you need to change. Those changes are usually current habits, actions, or lifestyles that are not necessarily desirable. But if you examine this passage carefully, the writer is saying that if you really want discipline in your life, if you really want to be wise about your next step, it has less to do with your words, thoughts, or actions, and everything to do with your heart.

So for those who struggle with discipline....where is your heart? It's a difficult question sometimes. But if you're ever going to be able to truly change, if you're every going to be seriously disciplined, you must consider where your heart is first, do all that you can to guard it, and then enjoy the life the springs from there.

The Lightsaber Blues

I took my son to the store a while back because he wanted to go grocery shopping with me. I think he

just wanted to get out of the house. We don’t have much of a yard, so anything to get out of the house is a good day for my son. My son is a funny little trick God has played on me. You read that last statement correctly. As I watch my son grow up and observe his behavior he reminds me of me in so many ways. And every time I’m frustrated with him or have to discipline him, it reminds me of how difficult I must be to those around me (especially my wife).

When we were shopping for groceries, Silas kept asking me to go visit the toy aisle. After about 20 minutes of asking and me threatening him to throw out every toy that he has, I finally caved and followed him to this tiny little section of the store (I’m all bark and no bite). He proceeded to pick up a light saber and wield it around like a miniature Jedi. Part of me thought, I’m so glad he loves Star Wars as much as me. The other (meaner/parent) part thought, we’re not buying that because he has three other light sabers just like it at home.

I told him we needed to finish shopping and he could carry the light saber around while we finish, but he was not taking it home. He proceeded to tell me that we could just buy it. Oh, if things were this simple. I tried pulling this method out when passing by a home in an area that was way out of our price range. I leaned over to my wife and said, “We could just buy it.” She chose to ignore my comment.

As we were headed for the checkout line I told my son to put the light saber away because we were leaving. Completely disappointed he proceeded to give me that look. You know the one that you don’t have to teach them.  It’s that innate quality of making parents’ hearts break. Thankfully, I’m a little cold-hearted and more scared of my wife yelling at me because we went over budget for groceries that I didn’t give in to his tactics. So, I made him put it back and we walked out to the car after checking out.

Sulking in his sadness I buckled his seatbelt and climbed into the car and drove off. There were a few minutes of silence as we traveled down the road. I thought for a moment my son wasn’t going to talk to me the whole ride home. But then I heard it. It was the perfect sound to break the silence. My son pulled out a harmonica (from who knows where) and began to play his sad song. I did everything I could to hold in the laughter. I was so surprised by his outlet for sadness. I don’t play the harmonica and I can’t say we even listen to very many folk bands that feature this little French harp, but there he was playing the blues.

Some of the joys of parenting have been brought about by moments like this. There’s definitely no joy in my son’s sadness, but it’s been in the way he teaches me. Specifically, it’s been in the way he’s allowed me to see glimpses into my own life. I’ve learned more about my life, humanity, God, and everything in between because of this little boy. I realized that day how much God loves me even in my sulking. Even when I think I know what’s best for me and deserve to get what I’m asking for, God gently reminds me that His plans are better than mine and the what I need is much different than what I want. But I also learned something else that day. I learned that it’s okay to be sad when I don’t get what I want. Listening to that harmonica didn’t make me feel bad and give in to my son, but it did stir my affection for him even more. I think God wants to hear us cry out. I think He wants to hear us sulk a little, be sad for a time, and play the blues because we’re feeling down. Because it’s in those moments where the heart is tender. 

I know my son’s too young to understand the impact that he’s had on my life. But the truth is that I’ve learned so much from him, by him, and through him. I thank God every day for my kids. I’m thankful for the joy I have in raising them, teaching them, and leading them. But the real joy in all this has been what I’ve learned from them. [Raises coffee cup] Here’s to learning from them for the rest of my life!

Who Am I?

Where do I start? Many things have happened since the last time I wrote. Some good, so okay. But

none of the things that have happened in the passed 17 months have been bad. Or so I tell myself. If I were completely honest, the last year has been a struggle. Not a struggle to survive, but a struggle to realize who I am. Some would say they’re one in the same. Going through this myself I can see how that might be the case for some, but if this season of life has taught me anything, it’s that life is really great and that there is more to it than what presently may be giving you difficulty.

Like most people, I spent a good amount of time finding my identity in my job. Not that my job ruled my life, but that my job was a major part of what identified me. For men, it’s basically the only way we can sustain a lasting conversation. I hate asking people what they do for a living even though I still do it. The reason is that I usually get two responses that never seem very beneficial.

The first is from the person who loves their job. They proceed to tell me how great their life is because of their job. This is usually a good thing, but so much of their excitement is wrapped up in how their job makes them a better person (better than you that is). Their job hangs around their neck like a medal (a really big, shiny one that they keep polishing while they talk so you won’t forget it). They’re proud of it because in some sense they earned it, and in another sense because they find their value and worth in it.

The second response is from the person who doesn’t love their job. They are usually very uncomfortable telling you what they do (and try to avoid it like the plague. Maybe even try to change the subject). They’re very strategic in only revealing certain aspects of their job (“I work for Google”). Revealing whom you work for is often a cover to hide what you really do for a living (“I replace the urinal cakes for Google’s bathrooms”). I believe it’s because they don’t identify with scrubbing toilets or taking out the trash. Most don’t by the way. Very few find fulfillment in that (which is why I so appreciate those that do). Often times we don’t have a purpose other than to make money so that we can put food on the table. But most importantly, I believe people are uncomfortable disclosing their occupation because they don’t want you to identify them by their employment. Why? Well, because they don’t want you to base their value and worth in it and because it is most certainly not who they are.

The truth is that no occupation is who we are. Our jobs are not who we are, they are what we do. Our society may gauge our identity by our work but it’s not the truth. No job holds that kind of weight. Consider the President of the United States. I doubt his wife or his kids love him any more because he is the leader of the free world. And I doubt his mother or father would love him any less if he goes down as the worst president in our nations history (this is purely hypothetical and not a political statement). My point being is that it doesn’t matter what he or she does, it’s not who they are.

The most difficult time I’ve had in this season of life has been to find who I really am because I’ve identified myself with my previous job for so long (since I was 20 to be exact). Maybe you’ve done the same thing. Maybe it’s not even a job that you identify with. Maybe it’s your role as a parent or a student. Maybe it’s the weight of responsibility you feel. All of those things are part of what we do, but they aren’t who we are.

I’ve been a Christian since 1997. The year prior I was really having a difficult time. It culminated with some life changing events that caused me to question where I was headed. I surrendered to Jesus in January of that year. I had no clue what it meant to be a Christian, yet I was one. For those who are married you may have experienced a similar thing. The day of your wedding you were single and then a few hours later you were married. You were a husband or a wife in that moment, yet you had no clue what that meant. Maybe you’re a parent. You have also experienced a similar thing. In a moment you had no kids and then your baby is born and instantly you are a mommy or a daddy, yet you have no clue what that even means.

The truth is that you may not understand what it even means to be a mom, dad, husband or wife, but you are. You are those things and now you must learn what it means to do those things well. The same is true of being a Christian. The bible teaches that our identity is found in Christ and in Him alone. The bible uses very specific terms to help us understand who we are in Him.

Ephesians 1:4-5 says, “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ in accordance with his pleasure and will.” (NIV)

Identity looks very different for those who put their hope and trust in Jesus. We are chosen, we are holy, we are blameless, we are predestined to be adopted as God’s children.” It is who we are. We may have no idea what that means to live it out yet, but the truth is that it is who we are. Not your job that you hate. Not your occupation that you love. Those are things you do whether you enjoy them or not. Our identity is not found in things we do because there will be a day in our life where we can no longer do them. We try not to think about our mortality too much, but it’s the truth. We will get old some day (some sooner than others) and we will no longer be able to work. What happens then?

We were created with a purpose. God intentionally crafted us for good works. But those works were never intended to be our identity. Our good works are simply an opportunity to offer praise for his glorious grace. That’s the challenge for us. If our identity is truly in Christ, then it doesn’t matter what we do because it will always give us an opportunity to give God the glory that is due.

Not because of who I am

But because of what You’ve done

Not because of what I’ve done

But because of who You are

- Casting Crowns

I Will Wait

I'm very impatient. I don't like waiting for anything. To be honest, I don't think any of us like waiting. When driving our cars we always move over to get in the lane that is shortest. When deciding to check out of a grocery store, we eye the shortest line. Sometimes we even consider getting rid of a few items just so that we can stand in the 10 items or less line. Waiting sucks.

I realize that waiting is difficult for me in many different ways. And it's not because I always like to be first (contrary to what others think), but it's difficult for me because I actually think my timing is better. I think my idea of when things are supposed to happen is better.

I actually believe my plans are better!
............................my idea is better!
............................my timing is better!
............................my schedule is better!
............................my way is better!

This is a difficult truth for me to admit especially after typing it out. It's difficult because I realize how ridiculous it sounds. My wife and I waited 8 years before our son was born. Not because we wanted to wait that long, but because our timing wasn't better. We waited another 4 and a half years for our daughter. Not because we wanted to wait that long, but because our timing wasn't better.

I'm still waiting for lots of different things. I'm sure you are too. In the Bible, God's people did a whole lot of waiting. The Israelites waited a generation for many things. The book of Psalms records psalmist crying out, groaning, and longing for God to move in some mighty way because they grew weary of waiting. I can really resonate with that. But something hit me the other day that was prompted by an individual who does not know me very well (God tends to use the unexpected quite a bit). This individual said to me, "Stop looking ahead to what's next and be where you are." It may not sound like the most profound statement, but it's caused me to rethink a lot of things. I believe those simple words, "be where you are" carry a lot of weight for me. Probably more now than ever before.

So today, I'm trying to be where I am. I'm trying to embrace the now instead of clinging to the hope that's ahead. Not because hope is a bad things to hold onto, but because it often distracts us from what God is doing in us today. I have hope for many things in the future, but I don't want to miss out on today because I'm so focused on tomorrow.

Now I'll be bold as well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh and fix my eyes
A tethered mind freed from the lies

But I'll kneel down, wait for now
I'll kneel down know my ground

I will wait, I will wait for you

- Mumford & Sons