The other day I was reading a book and it talked about our propensity to sin. I wasn't sure if the word 'propensity' was the proper expression until I begun to define what it meant. I always thought propensity meant tendency. Our "tendency to sin" seemed like a reasonable statement, but I kept exploring. I love etymology! Looking up definitions often leaves one having to search for an even better understanding so I knew I needed to search deeper. When looking up the etymology of a particular word you cut to chase. So, I looked up the etymology of the word propensity and discovered that it means "a disposition to favor", "prone to", and "inclined". However, further reading I came across the Latin word propendere, which means "incline to, hang forward, weigh over". Broken down, pro meaning "forward" and pendere meaning "hang".
My first thought was, "okay, this doesn't help me at all." Have you ever done that? You work, search, and explore to find out that you did it for nothing and then people who are sage-like will say something profound like, "it's not the end result that matters, but the process that counts", or "it's all about the journey". I hate that. Mostly because I am guilty of saying that to people (if I have ever said that to you please forgive me). I know, I'm lame. However, I kept thinking about what it meant to "hang forward". I looked it up to see if it was a common phrase back in the day, but I had no luck. Hang forward......hang forward.........what does it mean?
It was then I had this picture of when I'm at the gym stretching after I had just finished running on the treadmill. I would widen my stance and stretch my hamstrings and reach down towards the floor. As this image was in my head I began to think that this is what it means! Hanging forward means to have the posture of bowing. It's like a bowing down to that which is in front of me. It was then that it also hit me that to have a propensity to sin meant that I have a natural inclination to bow down to my sin. It becomes the object of my affection and in turn I then have the tendency to give my sin a position of worship. I began to dwell a bit on my own depravity (this took me a while). My discovery was that often times I forget what I'm really like. Why? Well, because I've become pretty good at pretending my sin is no big deal, that I have it under control, or that it's not as bad others. It was then I realized my reasoning was completely flawed. No matter the type of sin, when we do sin we are hanging forward or bowing down to it as if it were God. We give it a place of worship. Instead of God, I have given sin a place in my heart, in my mind and in my soul that I might worship it. I realized then my sinful propensity. In turn it brought me to my knees and I've never been so broken in my life. It was in that state of brokenness I realized I was right where God wanted me to be. I have no doubt in my mind that Jeremy Riddle was in the exact place when he penned the song Sweetly Broken. It's taken on a new meaning for me and I hope it does for you as well.
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
